Mooning Over You
by dreamer1148
Summary: A story of Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks. This story has been suspended indefinitely due to school, work, and a bad case of writer's block. I'll continue when I can.
1. Chapter 1

Remus Lupin slowly climbed the stairs inside number twelve, Grimmauld Place. He reached the door he sought, but hesitated outside. He'd never entered Sirius' room before; Sirius' friends had never been welcome here when they were in school, and Remus hadn't wanted to intrude on Sirius' privacy since the Order re-formed. Remus took a deep breath and eased the door open, smiling as he saw the red and gold of the Gryffindor banners, rolling his eyes at the posters of the Muggle girls. _Only Sirius, _he thought to himself.

A flicker of movement on the wall caught his eye, and he moved further into the room, lighting his wand to see his way better. His chest ached as he recognized a young version of himself, surrounded by those who had once been his closest friends. He felt a lump in this throat as he realized they were each lost to him. James, dead since that fateful night nearly 15 years before; Peter, slave of Voldemort, was dead to him; and Sirius, whom, just an hour before, he'd watched pass through the veil. At this last thought, his rigid control on his emotions broke, and he sat down and wept. He wept for his friends, and he wept for himself. He knew himself to be truly alone now.

The sound of a creaking floorboard outside the room caused him to jump up. Seeing Nymphadora Tonks standing in the doorway, he quickly turned away and surreptitiously wiped his face with the sleeve of his robes. She'd changed her hair from its usual shocking pink, to her natural shade of light brown that now brushed her shoulders.

Tonks crossed the room and placed a hand on Remus' arm, but he flinched away at the touch. She pulled her hand away and stepped back. Feeling guilty for his reaction, Remus looked down into her face, and saw that it was full of hurt, grief, and guilt. He could see the paths that tears had left down her face, and he felt his own tears flow again. He sat down on the bed again, and sobbed into his hands, no longer caring what Tonks thought of him.

Remus felt Tonks sit next to him on the bed. "I'm sorry, Remus," she said. "It's my fault he'd dead."

Remus jerked his head up at these words and looked at her, confused.

"I was dueling Bellatrix," Tonks continued. "I should've been able to handle her myself. If I'd been stronger, better, Sirius would still be alive."

Tears were streaming down Tonks' cheeks, and she couldn't bring herself to look Remus in the eyes. Remus tipped her chin up, forcing her to look at him.

"It's no one's fault. Sirius knew the risks of fighting in this war. He wasn't afraid of death, and he died an honorable death, fighting for what he believed in, fighting to protect those he loved."

Tonks nodded and sniffled a little. Remus slipped an arm around her shoulders, and they sat in silence for a several minutes, each lost in their own thoughts. Remus felt slightly awkward, holding this petite woman who he knew to be so fierce. While they'd been friendly through the Order, Remus realized that they had never actually been alone together before. He'd thought about her from time to time, admiring her fierce loyalty and bravery, he enjoyed her wry sense of humor. She was a beautiful young woman. _Young woman, _he reminded himself. _Much too young for you. She'd never see you that way._ After all, who could love a werewolf?

Remus shook his head, trying to clear away these thoughts. It only reminded him of how truly alone he was.

"Alone," he muttered to himself without realizing until the word was out of his mouth.

"You're not alone," replied Tonks, looking up at him again.

"Oh, really?" Remus snapped bitterly. "I have no one. My friends are all dead, or dead to me, at least. I have no family. I'm completely alone."

"You still have Harry. I can see how much you care for him, and how much he cares for you. I think it's clear that he considers you family. And besides that, you have me." She finished with a new tone in her voice, almost a question, full of hope.

Remus looked at her again. "Yes," he said awkwardly, "you- you're a good friend, Tonks."

"I don't want to be just your friend, Remus," she whispered, as she leaned in and brushed her lips against his.

Remus stood up in shock, and he searched for a way to control the situation. "This is wrong."

"What's wrong about two people finding comfort in each other? I've felt more than just _friendly_ for you for quite some time, Remus. I'm not a child; I know what you are, and it doesn't scare me," Tonks said defiantly, standing up and placing her hands on her hips.

Remus knew that he should leave, or tell her all the reasons they couldn't be together – their age difference, the war, and most importantly, his condition. But the emotions of the night were too much for him. His heart, and certain other body parts, won out over his logical head. Remus growled softly as he pulled Tonks against him, crushing his lips against hers. She responded immediately, throwing her arms around his neck, parting her lips to deepen their kiss. Remus slipped his tongue between Tonks' sweet lips, and felt his dick harden as their tongues touched. He could feel Tonks' pert little breasts pressed against his chest. Suddenly, his hands were everywhere, sliding under the t-shirt she wore, up her smooth back, down over her firm ass, squeezing it through her jeans. Tonks unfastened the clasp of Remus' robes and tossed them aside, then pulled his jumper up over his head. She gazed at his scar-covered chest and reached up to run her fingers over the worst of the scars, a long, still-pink scar that reached from his right shoulder, down to his left hip. Remus hissed at her touch, and snatched her hand away. Tonks, however, would not be deterred. She pressed her lips to the top of the scar, then covered it with licks and kisses, all the way down to his hip. Remus groaned at the sensation, and the sight of her, on her knees, her face inches from his cock.

Tonks seemed to realize this at the same time, as she reached up to undo his belt and unfasten his trousers. She smiled up at him as she pushed his trousers down his legs, allowing him to kick off his shoes, and step out of his pants. Remus stood before her in only his boxers, which were tented in front, thanks to his large erection pressing against them. Tonks reached up once more to pull his boxers off, and she gasped when she saw his cock at last. After shoving his boxers down, she gave Remus a little push and he fell back onto the bed. She crawled over to him and took his thick, long cock in her small hands. Remus nearly came out of his skin when she lowered her head and engulfed the tip of his cock in her hot little mouth.

Remus ran his hands through Tonks' hair, pulling it away from her face as he watched her bob up and down on his hard dick. He could not believe this hot little woman wanted him so badly. He groaned loudly as she stroked him with her hand and dropped her mouth down to lick and gently suck his balls. It had been so long, Remus knew he wouldn't last much longer. He sighed as Tonks brought her mouth back to his cock, licking and sucking the whole way up. He lost his control of himself when she swiftly swallowed him in one movement, her lips wrapped around the base of his cock. He threw his head back and cried out as his cum shot out of his cock, straight down Tonks' throat. Tonks pulled back a bit after the first shot, and held the head of his dick in her mouth as she stroked his cock and gently squeezed his balls, milking his cum out and into her mouth.

Remus was gasping for breath as he watched Tonks release his cock, and wipe a drop of cum that had escaped her mouth with her finger, then lick it clean.

"Nymphadora," he said in a hoarse voice. Tonks glared at him for using her given name that she hated so. Remus pulled her to him, and kissed her sweet lips once, before starting to strip her clothes from her lithe body. He pulled her shirt off over her head, and gazed at her perky little tits, nipples hard and pointing at him. Pulling her to stand between his legs, and leaned in and flicked the tip of his tongue over one of her nipples. Her breath came out in a hiss, so he licked it again, more firmly, then wrapped his lips around it and sucked as much of her breast into his mouth as he could.

"Oh! Remus!" Tonks gasped, arching her back and clinging to his muscular shoulders for balance.

As Remus teased her nipples with his mouth, his hands drifted to the waist of her jeans. He unbuttoned and unzipped them, and pushed them down over her hips and she kicked them off along with her shoes. She pulled off her panties and stood before Remus, completely naked. Remus' breath caught in his throat as he gazed at her slender body. He smoothed one hand over her belly to cup her bare pussy, teasing her entrance with one finger. Tonks humped slightly against his hand and he smiled a wolfish grin, thrilled by her response. He slid one finger inside her, savoring the feel of her velvety-smooth pussy gripping him.

He pulled away, and Tonks pouted in disappointment, until he stood up and lifted her onto the bed. He came over her and kissed her, starting at her lips and moving down her body. He paused to lick her nipples once more, then moved over her belly, before he settled himself between her legs. He lifted her legs over his shoulders and teased her by licking all around her pussy, but not where she wanted him most.

"Please, Remus," Tonks moaned, after several minutes of this torture. She bucked her hips at him, hoping to rub her pussy against anything. Remus pulled away, and blew cool air onto her, causing her hips to buck even more wildly. "Please! I need you to touch me, lick me, _anything_!"

"Mmm," he murmured, "I love hearing you beg."

But he took mercy on her, and parted her pussy lips with his fingers and rubbed his tongue over her clit. "Yesss," she hissed.

As much as Remus had enjoyed teasing her, her scent, and the brief taste he'd just had made him unable to contain himself. He dove into her pussy with gusto, flicking her clit with his tongue, then stiffening his tongue and plunging it into her tight cunt. As she moaned and grabbed his hair to pull him closer, he slid one finger, then a second, then a third into her dripping pussy. He brought his lips up to her clit and sucked it into his mouth, massaging it with his tongue.

"Fuck! Oh fuck yes!" she cried.

Her thighs squeezed his head as her body exploded in the most intense orgasm she'd ever experienced. Remus continued plunging his fingers in and out of her clenching pussy as her whole body quivered in pleasure. He slowed the pace of his hand as her body stilled. He rose up onto his knees and wiped her pussy juice from his face with his free hand, grinning down at her while she recovered. He loved the tremors he felt still pulsing through her pussy.

After a few more moments, Tonks wrapped her hand around his cock which had become rock hard again. She stroked him gently, but looked slightly concerned as she stared at his long and very thick cock in her small hand. Remus pushed her hand away and removed his fingers from her incredibly tight pussy. He came over her and rubbed his cock against her pussy, sliding between her lips, rubbing her clit.

"You're so big," she whispered, in awe of what he'd done to her already, and what that cock could still do to her.

"I'll be gentle," he promised.

Remus guided his cock down to the entrance of her hot little cunt. Tonks nodded, and he slowly eased himself inside her. She gasped as he stretched and filled her. Remus groaned as he bottomed out, fully inside her. He'd never felt a pussy so tight and hot around his cock. He leaned down to kiss Tonks as he slowly moved inside her. After a few minutes of slow, gentle fucking, Tonks grew impatient. She'd adjusted to his size, now she wanted to be fucked hard.

"Maybe a little less gentle," she whispered against his lips.

Remus felt his cock throb at those words; holding himself back had taken all his willpower, now he released his hold on his inner wolf.

"Turn over," he growled, as he pulled out of her pussy.

Tonks scrambled to obey, and once on her hands and knees, she arched her back to give Remus the best possible view of her firm ass. Remus caressed her ass, then guided his cock to her entrance once more.

"Are you sure you want this?" he asked her, thrusting in slightly.

Tonks bit her lip. "Fuck me, Remus. Fuck me as hard as you can. Make me scream," she said huskily.

At that, Remus thrust into her all at once. Tonks cried out in pleasure. He quickly found a steady rhythm of pulling out and slamming back into her, spurred on by her cries and moans. Needing to feel her cunt contract around his dick the way it had around his fingers, he reached around and rubbed her clit with one hand, while pinching and rolling her nipple with the other.

Tonks' cries of pleasure were incoherent and increased in volume the harder and faster Remus pounded into her. She cried out his name causing him to completely lose control of himself. He bit into her shoulder, almost breaking the skin. The shock of that pain on top of all the pleasure sent Tonks into a mind-blowing orgasm. She screamed as her body dissolved into spasms of pleasure, her already tight pussy gripping Remus' huge cock. When Remus heard her scream and felt her pussy tighten around him, he thrust into her one last time and came with a yell that was almost a howl. He collapsed on top of her, and could still feel her pussy contracting on his dick.

Remus rolled to one side, not wanting to crush Tonks underneath him. Tonks lay next to him on her stomach, gasping for breath. Remus rubbed his hands across his face. He'd just had the best sex of his life, but he'd lost control. What if he had broken her skin when he bit her? Would there be contamination if he had? How could he ever forgive himself if he hurt his Dora? His lips curled up slightly at the thought of that name he'd never uttered for her, but he pushed the thought away. She wasn't his, and she couldn't be, if that's the reaction she caused in him. He could never lose control like that again.

He turned to apologize to her, but she'd fallen asleep, a sweet smile of contentment across her face. Perhaps it was better this way, he thought to himself. He'd leave her a note, and she wouldn't be able to wear down his resolve. He got up, pulled on his clothes, scribbled out a letter to her and left it on the pillow. He paused at the door to look back at her, then, blinking back tears, hurried down the stairs and out into the night.


	2. Chapter 2

Tonks was startled awake by the sound of the front door slamming. She sat up swiftly, blinking her eyes and trying to get her bearings. Images from the previous night flashed through her head. The battle at the Ministry, Sirius's death, the questions from the Minister, and then, Remus. She looked around her wildly, but saw no trace of him. Her clothes were folded neatly on the lone chair in the room, and atop them sat a piece of parchment. She stumbled out of the bed and across the room. She saw Remus' signature at the bottom, but hearing footsteps coming up the stairs, she hastily pulled on her clothes and tucked the note in her pocket to read later. She hurried out of the room and nearly walked into Kingsley Shacklebolt.

"Tonks! Good, you can help. We've got to vacate as quickly as possible," Kingsley said in his deep voice.

"Vacate? Why?" Tonks replied, feeling confused.

"With Sirius' death, we don't know who the house will pass to." At Tonks' confused look, Kingsley explained further. "Sirius told Dumbledore that was leaving everything to Harry in the event of his death, but we don't know if there's any kind of charm or curse on the house that'll only allow it to pass to a pureblood, or another Black, and Sirius' closest relative is-"

"Bellatrix Lestrange," Tonks interrupted, her voice dripping with hate, but her eyes filling with tears.

Kingsley squeezed her shoulder with a large hand, then motioned her downstairs. Several members of the Order were scrambling around, removing any evidence that the Order had been here. Tonks' quickly joined them, and they all Disapparated to Mad-Eye Moody's home, the new temporary home of the Order's headquarters.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Several hours later, Tonks collapsed on her bed in the tiny flat she rented in London. She'd spent the better part of the day helping to organize things at Mad-Eye's, and she had a whopping three hours to rest before she had to be at work. She'd turned down Molly Weasley's offer of a cup of tea at the Burrow in favor of some much needed alone time. She finally had a minute to think about the events of last night, and gasped when she realized she still had Remus' letter in her pocket. She pursed her lips, wondering why he hadn't been there to help out today. She pulled out his letter and began to read:

_Tonks,_

_ Words cannot express how truly sorry I am for last night. Firstly, for your loss; I know you Sirius were never very close, but I also know how much he admired your courage in joining the Order at such a young age, and of course he appreciated your humor. I think you and he would've got on grandly, had you had the opportunity to know him before his imprisonment. He had that same wicked streak that you do, must be a family trait. He was truly the greatest friend a man could ask for, especially for a man like me. I can't thank you enough for your comforting me in my grief last night._

_Which brings me to my second apology. My conduct last night was appalling, and I'm deeply ashamed. I'm not a man who loses control often, but I'm afraid my emotions overpowered my better sense. I'm much too old for you, and it was wrong of me to take advantage of one as young and innocent as you. But my concern lies more with your safety. You deserve a man who is young and whole, not one who would endanger you monthly, and in between as well, as I displayed last night. I checked the bite, there was no breaking of the skin, so there will be no kind of contamination, but I can't risk ever putting you at risk in that way again._

_You'll hear about this at the next meeting of the Order, but you deserve to hear it from me. Dumbledore has requested I go underground to spy on my kind. I agreed readily – there's little enough I can contribute to the Order, given the way most wizards feel about my kind. I'll be glad of a mission, however dangerous it may be, and it's best if I keep my distance from you._

_ My sincerest apologies,_

_ Remus_

Tonks was filled with so many emotions; she felt her head would explode. Grief at his comments about Sirius, exasperation at his apparently edited memory of the previous night's events – she recalled coming on to him and begging more than once, fear for him going into danger, and most of all rage. Rage that he thought he knew what was good for her, that he presumed to know what she wanted, needed, or deserved. She was a damn Auror, for Merlin's sake. She could handle a little danger. Not that she'd even once been afraid of him or felt anything but safe the previous night. The most sensual, passionate, erotic night of her life, not to mention the two best orgasms of her life, and it would never happen again because Remus so bloody noble. Tonks snorted in disgust, he was certainly a Gryffindor through and through.

Tonks checked the time and groaned. _So much for having a rest_, she thought as she hurried to the shower to start getting ready for work.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Tonks was perched, invisible under Moody's invisibility cloak, on the post of a fence, facing number four, Privet Drive. Guarding Harry Potter was, quite possibly, the most boring of her duties with the Order. It'd be one thing if she could talk to him, but they'd all been forbidden from letting him know they were still watching him, despite his explosive anger about being guarded without his knowledge the previous summer. And the boy never went anywhere, it seemed. Tonks rolled her eyes and shifted slightly, trying to find a more comfortable position. She'd been sitting here, watching his bedroom window for hours, and she felt like some sort of perverted stalker, staring at a teenaged boy's window, hoping he'd do something exciting for a change. Her thoughts drifted to Remus. It had been nearly a month since _that_ night. Her rage had faded somewhat, replaced mostly by fear for him. She'd heard stories about the werewolves who secluded themselves from society. They were damned dangerous, Fenrir Greyback in particular, and she worried that Remus wouldn't fool them. His weekly reports were read aloud at the Order's meetings, usually by Dumbledore or Moody, and they didn't sound promising. She resented Dumbledore for sending him away, mostly because she couldn't kick his bloody noble arse for his rejection of her, she thought to herself.

"Good evening, Nymphadora," a familiar voice said, as the streetlamp above her went out.

Tonks leapt to her feet and spun around, finding herself face to face with Dumbledore himself.

"Professor!" she exclaimed.

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled. "How many times have I asked you to call me Albus?"

Tonks grinned. "Probably as many times as I've asked you to call me Tonks. Are you here for me?"

"No. I'm taking Harry to the Burrow tonight, although not before a brief mission. Would you mind popping over there and letting Molly know he'll be arriving in a few hours?"

"Of course," Tonks replied, and twirled on the spot, Apparating with a loud pop. She wished she could figure out how Dumbledore did that silently.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

After Molly had let her in and she'd given her the news of Harry's impending arrival, Molly had invited her to stay for a cup of tea. Everyone else was in bed, except Arthur, who was still at work.

"Are you alright, Tonks?" Molly asked as Tonks sipped her tea and stared at nothing, still thinking about Remus.

"Huh? Oh, yes, I'm fine," Tonks replied. "Just a bit distracted. I haven't been sleeping well."

"Is it because of Remus?" Molly inquired gently. Tonks looked up, and Molly continued, "I've seen the way you watch him, and the way you react when his reports are read at meetings."

Tonks met Molly's eyes, and suddenly the whole story was spilling out of her, although she carefully edited the details of their night together.

"I'm so scared for him, but I'm so angry at him too," Tonks said. "I, I care about him, and I don't know how to deal with everything I'm feeling. I've never felt so confused, and it's starting to affect my magic! Look at my hair! I can't change the color anymore!"

Molly placed her hand on top of Tonks'. "I know how scared you are, but you have to trust that he can take care of himself. And I understand your anger, but you have to understand how he must feel about all this. He's been rejected by all but a very few people in our world, he's afraid to get attached to anyone. And he's spent his whole life doing everything he can to prevent himself from harming anyone when he transforms, the idea that he might harm you, someone he obviously cares for very deeply, it horrifying to him. I'm not saying he's right to try to protect you from him, but I can see what he must be thinking and feeling right now. I think the two of you need to sit down and have a talk about all this. He'll be coming to dinner this weekend, you should join us."

"Oh, I couldn't. I'll find a way to speak to him privately."

At that moment, Harry and Dumbledore walked in, and Tonks quickly made her exit, still marveling that she'd felt so comfortable opening up to Molly.


	3. Chapter 3

It had been good to see Harry for his birthday, but dinner had been filled with Molly simultaneously fussing over his shabby state and asking suspiciously pointed questions about Tonks, Remus escaped to Grimmauld Place. He wanted to leave a report for Dumbledore before heading home to his cottage. Living among his fellow werewolves was more difficult than he'd imagined. They didn't accept him, as he bore all the marks of having lived among wizards his whole life. Then again, he wasn't sure he wanted them to accept him, given the viciousness they'd adopted from Fenrir Greyback. He felt guilty, knowing how important it was to gain information, and to turn the werewolves to their side, but part of him felt that the Order would be much better off without these werewolves among them. But Dumbledore thought it worthwhile, so who was he to argue.

He'd just sealed his report for Dumbledore, and was preparing to leave, when he heard someone coming down the stairs. He looked up and saw it was Tonks, and his heart stopped at the sight of her. Her hair was that lovely light brown color, but her eyes were blood-shot and red. He wondered if he was the cause of that. Their eyes met and they froze for a moment, staring at one another, a thousand thoughts spinning through each of their heads. Tonks' expression was unreadable as she slowly climbed down the last few steps.

"Remus," she choked out, and suddenly flung herself at him.

Remus braced himself for her attack, but none came. She'd flung her arms around his neck and was clinging to him. Without thinking, Remus embraced her in return, burying his face in her hair, savoring her intoxicating scent of vanilla and jasmine. After a moment, Remus came to his senses and pulled away from her. Tonks' face showed nothing but the deepest hurt when Remus unwound her arms from his neck and gently separated them. Neither of them said a word, and Remus, feeling horribly guilty, turned to the door. His hand was on the doorknob when he heard her sob. The sound pulled at his heart, and he turned back to her.

"Tonks…" he said.

"I – I've been so w-worried about you, and scared for you!" Tonks sobbed.

"I'm fine," Remus replied. "I send reports every week…" He trailed off, seeing her sneer.

"Oh yes," Tonks snarled, allowing her anger to replace her distress. "Well, that makes it all okay, doesn't it? It's okay that you fucked me, then left me without even saying goodbye, because you send reports that I get to hear secondhand."

"I left you a note," Remus said, feeling abashed. He'd never seen her so angry, though he knew he deserved every bit of her anger.

"That's right, you left me a note full of your oh-so-noble assumptions about what's good for me. News flash, Remus: I. AM. NOT. A. CHILD." Tonks shoved him backwards. "I know what I want and need a whole hell of a lot better than you do! And I don't need you looking out for my safety either. I'm an Auror, and damn good one at that! I fight dark magic every day, I can handle myself when I'm in danger, not that you've ever put me in danger of any kind!"

Remus had stumbled back when she'd shoved him. He didn't know what to say; he thought she'd be angry at him for taking advantage of her, but she seemed to be more enraged by his note that the events of that night they'd spend together.

"I came on to you that night; I'd wanted you for a long time. Still do, for that matter. But you're too busy being _noble_ to consider that maybe, just maybe, I know what I'm a big girl and I know what I'm doing," she finished.

Remus's guilt turned to anger at these words. "I'm not noble," he spat. "I've explained my reasons for my actions. I'm sorry if you won't accept them. Now, I only have tonight off, so if you don't mind, I'll be leaving." Remus spun on his heel and walked out the door, slamming it behind him.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Two hours later, Remus was still pacing the floor of his small cottage, fuming at Tonks' reaction. He'd explained everything in his letter, how could she think he was just being noble? Couldn't she see how much he cared for her? He'd hardly stopped thinking about her since that night. He admitted to himself that that could be contributing to his failure to insinuate himself into the werewolves' society, if you could call it that. He seemed to be failing everyone these days. He hadn't kept Sirius from going the Department of Mysteries, he was failing at the mission Dumbledore had given him, and he'd made Tonks so angry that she seemed to hate him now. His heart ached at the thought that she hated him. He could hardly bring himself to admit it, but he thought, perhaps, he might be falling in love with her. He hated himself for the way he'd spoken to her, she had every right to be angry with him, he should have apologized.

There was a tap on the door and Remus was jerked out of his thoughts. He whipped his wand out of his pocket and pointed it at the door.

"Who's there?" he shouted.

"Remus, it's me."

He heard Tonks voice and his pulse quickened. He only hoped she wasn't here to continue their row. He opened the door and saw her standing on his doorstep, looking sheepish. He stepped aside and motioned her in. She hurried inside and stood awkwardly as he locked the door with his wand.

When Remus turned to her, she was shivering. He hadn't noticed how chilly it was; he pointed his wand at the fireplace and a fire instantly started warming the room. Tonks was looking around, taking in his tiny home. Remus was embarrassed at the size and lack of furnishings, but at least it was clean and tidy.

"What are you doing here, Tonks?" he asked apprehensively.

"I came to apologize. I shouldn't have flown of the handle at you that way. I know you did what you thought was best, I've just been so scared for you. I can't seem to control my emotions."

"Why are you so scared for me? I'm not inept, you know. I can take care of myself, just like you." Remus tried not to let himself feel hopeful that she might really care for him. He stepped closer to her as he spoke. "What aren't you saying?"

Tonks looked up at him and said quietly, "Remus, I care for you. I – I think I'm falling in love with you."

At these words, Remus' heart soared. He pushed aside his thoughts telling him it was wrong, and took her lovely face in his hands. He pressed his lips against hers in a kiss that spread warmth through his whole body. He pulled away to look her in the eyes and whispered, "I think I'm falling for you as well."

Tonks eyes lit up and a sweet smile spread across her face. She was filled with want for him, but felt timid, possibly for the first time in her life.

"Tonks, I can't offer you anything. I have to return to spying tomorrow, and I don't know when I'll be able to get away again. I still think you deserve someone who can give you more, someone who can give you everything. I'm too old, too poor –"

Tonks cut him off with a kiss. Then she murmured, "I'm not asking for everything, just give us tonight, Remus." She pressed her body against his and Remus winced in pain as she pressed against his fresh wounds from this month's transformation. The full moon had been only three nights before, and his self-inflicted scratches were still tender.

Tonks had seen him wince and asked, "What's wrong?" Her voice was full of concern.

"It's nothing," Remus replied, and tried to distract her with another kiss.

Tonks wouldn't be distracted. Before Remus could protest, she lifted his shirt to expose his raw, scratched torso.

"Remus!" Tonks exclaimed. "Is it – is it like this every month?"

Remus shrugged. "It's not always this bad, but sometimes it's worse."

"Come on," Tonks said, and took his hand. She led him to the bathroom and started filling the tub with hot water.

"Tonks, you don't have to do this," Remus said.

"Yes I do, now get your clothes off or I'll do it for you," she replied.

Remus sighed, then gingerly removed his shirt. He toed off his shoes and pulled his trousers and socks off. Tonks was rummaging in his medicine cabinet and pulled out a bottle of essence of murtlap. She added several drops to the rapidly filling bathtub, muttering to herself as she did. She turned to face him and her eyes filled with tears at the sight of his ravaged body. She turned away quickly, replaced the murtlap essence, and turned off the tap.

"You'll need to take those off too, you know," she said, indicating his boxers. A slight smirk played at the corners of her mouth.

Remus rolled his eyes, but pushed his boxers over his hips, and they fell down to the floor. Tonks' eyes flew to his cock which grew hard as Remus watched her lick her lips. Remus crossed the bathroom in two steps and stood right in front of her, their bodies almost touching. He could hear her breath quicken.

"Are you sure I need a bath, or is there something more pressing we should be doing?" Remus murmured.

He watched Tonks hesitate, then she shook her head. "Get in that tub," she ordered him. "I'll be right back."

He stepped into the tub, winced at the heat of the water, and eased himself down to recline in the tub. He sighed in relief as the murtlap essence pulled the pain out of the tender wounds on his chest and the hot water soothed his aching muscles. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to relax for the first time in weeks.


	4. Chapter 4

Tonks had gone back to the living room to gather herself. Seeing how thin Remus had become and the horrible scratches had torn at her heart. She didn't want Remus to see how much it affected her to see him like this; it would only encourage his idea that he was no good for her. She could only think of one thing that would distract them both.

Tonks entered the bathroom again, but Remus' eyes were closed and he hadn't heard her. She grinned mischievously and quietly stripped her clothes off. She crept close to the bath, planning to surprise Remus by climbing in with him, but her toe caught on the bathmat. She lost her balance and spun around and, shrieking loudly, she landed bum first in the tub.

Remus roared with laughter as she crashed into the tub with him. Tonks was sitting on his lap sideways, legs sticking out of the side of the tub, rubbing her head where she'd bumped it on the wall.

"It's not funny!" she said huffily. She wriggled to try to get back out of the tub, but Remus wrapped his arms around her and held her there, still laughing. She crossed her arms and tried to look indignant, but a smile played at her lips. She had to admit, she must've looked pretty ridiculous. "Stop laughing!" she said, after allowing Remus a few minutes of mirth at her expense.

Still chuckling, Remus said, "That was quite the entrance."

Tonks giggled, and squirmed around so she was sitting astride his thighs, facing him. "Are you enjoying your bath?" she asked.

"Yes, it was very relaxing, right up until you jumped in with me." Remus ran his hands up her legs. "Although I see there are advantages to that."

Tonks looked down and watched as Remus' cock grew hard again. She leaned over to kiss him. "I think bath time's over," she said in her sexiest voice. She pulled the plug behind her and climbed out of the tub before Remus could protest, not that she anticipated he would. She turned around to give him a hand out of the tub, then picked up her wand and magically dried them both. She opened Remus' medicine cabinet once more and grabbed a bottle of essence of Dittany. She turned to Remus and started dabbing it onto his wounds.

"Tonks, that's not necessary. They'll heal alright on their own."

"Let me take care of you," she said. Seeing him start to argue, she said firmly, "I want to."

Remus shut his mouth and spread his arms, giving her access to all his wounds. Tonks quickly completed her task, and felt satisfied as she looked him over. The wounds were no longer enflamed, and the Dittany had helped the healing process along nicely.

"Finished?" Remus asked. Tonks nodded. "Then there's something else we need to take care of."

Before Tonks could ask what, Remus had swept her up in his arms and was carrying her into his bedroom. He gently placed her on his neatly made bed, and climbed onto the bed next to her. Tonks nudged him onto his back, and climbed on top of him. She pressed her body against his as she kissed him deeply. She felt his hands glide over her smooth back and she felt her pussy getting wet as their tongues caressed each other. Remus' hands slid down to her ass and he squeezed it with one hand while the other reached farther down to tease the opening of her pussy with his fingertips. Tonks rolled to the side to give him better access.

Remus rolled with her and brought his hand around to the front and dipped one finger into her wet pussy before dragging the wetness up to her clit. He gently rubbed his finger in a circle around her clit. Tonks moaned and kissed across to Remus' ear and lightly nibbled his earlobe. Tonks arched into his hand as he deftly rubbed her clit with his thumb and plunged two fingers inside her. Tonks marveled at his ability to arouse her so quickly. She'd had plenty of good sex, but this was in a class all itself, and he was only using his hands.

"Oh Merlin yes," she moaned, "that's so good, Remus. Fuck! Don't stop!"

Remus' mouth had latched onto her breast and his fingers were moving faster inside her. Tonks' hands knotted in the blankets as Remus kissed back up to her neck and sucked on that sweet spot just under her ear.

"Come for me, Nymphadora," he murmured against her ear.

Hearing her given name normally enraged her, but on his lips, with fingers buried inside her, it somehow became an aphrodisiac. Tonks screamed his name as she came on his fingers, flooding his hand with her juices. Her hips lifted off the bed and her toes curled under. As the waves of pleasure faded, she shuddered and dropped back down to the bed. As her breathing slowed, she reached down and pulled Remus' hand from her pussy and up to her mouth. Looking him in the eye, she sucked his fingers clean, one at a time, causing him to groan and his cock bucked against her thigh.

She rolled him onto his back once more, straddled him, and guided his cock to her pussy. Remus' hands smoothed up her legs and came to rest on her hips. Tonks teased him by just allowing his cock head to enter her. She could see how badly he wanted her as he tried pulling her down onto him. She leaned down to kiss him, then slowly slid down onto his cock and he groaned against her lips. She slowly rocked her hips back and forth, then moving in small circles. Remus had just started rubbing her sensitive clit with his thumb when there was a pounding on the front door. They both froze for a brief moment, then Remus swiftly lifted Tonks off of him and yanked some boxers on.

"Stay here," he said to Tonks, and shut the bedroom door as he walked quickly into the next room. Tonks scrambled to his closet and pulled on a shirt and clumsily buttoned it up. She could hear Remus talking to someone in the living room, but couldn't identify the voice. _Screw this,_ she thought to herself. She checked that she was fully covered and went out into the living room and saw one person she never expected to see.

"Snape?" she said, shocked. She heard a soft sound of annoyance from Remus. She crossed her arms over her breasts, feeling exposed despite the shirt that covered her from her neck nearly to her knees. She didn't trust Snape, even if Dumbledore did.

"Ah, hello Nymphadora," Snape sneered, "fancy seeing you here."

"What are you doing here?" Tonks asked defensively.

"I needed a word with Lupin here," Snape responded, then turning to Lupin, said, "If you'll just give me a response, I let you two get back to…" He trailed off and coughed.

"Of course, Severus, I'll be right back," said Remus, his voice tight. He hurried into the bedroom.

Snape turned to Tonks again and sneered. "I'm unimpressed with your taste, Nymphadora, but I suppose you can't do much better."

Tonks was sure her shock and anger showed on her face. She opened her mouth to reply, when Remus came hurrying out of the bedroom again, and piece of parchment folded in his hand. His face was pink, and he was shaking slightly.

"Here you are, Severus," Remus said, "thank you for letting me know."

"Of course," Snape said, gave Tonks one last disdainful look, and swept out the door.

Remus immediately turned to Tonks. "Why didn't you stay in the bedroom? It could've been anyone!"

Tonks temper flared instantly. "Once again, Remus, I'm not a child. I'm an Auror, and I'm not afraid of anyone who might come knocking on your door. Believe me; I don't relish the fact that Severus Snape knows anything about my sex life. But I'm not going to hide in the bedroom whenever there's a potential threat. What did he want, anyways?"

"I know you can take care of yourself, but does that mean I'm not allowed to want to protect you?" Remus said, and tried to take her in his arms.

Tonks sensed he was avoiding telling her something and narrowed her eyes at him. "What was Snape doing here, Remus? If it was related to the Order, you may as well tell me, I'll find out eventually anyways."

Remus sighed. "Dumbledore thinks that it's too risky to my mission to keep leaving like I did tonight. He wants me to go fully underground, with no contact except directly with him, via Patronus. It's the only safe way to communicate, and Greyback's werewolves will never accept me if I seem to have any links to the Wizarding World. He sent Snape to find out if I'm willing to do this."

Tonks blanched. She knew what his response would be, but she had to ask, to hear it from his own lips. "And are you?"

Remus looked at the floor, then back up to Tonks. "I have to help fight this war in any way I can. I'm the only one who has a chance at spying on the werewolves, and I can potentially gain very valuable information, and possibly turn some of them to our side. I can't say no."

Tonks felt the tears filling her eyes. She blinked, but that only sent them spilling down her cheeks. She turned away from Remus; the pleading look he was giving her was more than she could take. She took a deep breath and reminded herself that she would be doing the same thing if she were in his position. He didn't need her making this any harder on him than it already would be. She turned back to him with the best smile she could manage. "Well, I guess I'd better give you a proper send-off, hadn't I?"

Remus gave a small sigh of relief, Tonks almost didn't hear it. Their eyes met and they strode toward each other. Their lips crashed together in passion. Remus cupped Tonks' face in his hands and Tonks wrapped her arms around his back, clinging to him in desperation, never wanting to let go. When his lips left hers, Tonks was panting. He kissed a path down her neck and in his impatience, ripped his shirt off her, sending buttons flying across the room. Tonks gasped when Remus mouth reached her breast. The way he kissed and sucked her nipple was anything but gentle, and when his teeth came down on her nipple, she nearly came. Her knees went weak and she had to grasp Remus' shoulders to keep herself upright.

Remus came back up to her face and pulled her against him roughly. He claimed her mouth once more while pushing her backwards until her back hit a wall. Tonks wrapped her arms around his neck once and Remus grabbed her thighs, just below her ass, and pulled her up to have her wrap her legs around his waist. With one arm holding her up, he shoved his boxers down with the other hand and guided his cock to her pussy. He thrust into her all at once with a grunt and Tonks cried out.

Remus buried his face in her neck and immediately found a rhythm of thrusting into her hard and fast. Tonks was moaning loudly and clinging to him with all her strength. With each thrust, her back rubbed against the rough wall and she felt splinters starting, but she didn't care. She felt her orgasm coming fast as Remus nibbled her neck. She screamed as she came, and dug her nails into his back, leaving more scratches on his already scarred body. As her pussy squeezed tight on his cock, Remus thrust up into her one last time and came inside her.

After a moment, Remus withdrew from her and he carried Tonks to his bedroom. They lay down on the bed together, her head on his chest, their legs entangled, and allowed themselves to forget what the morning would bring.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

A/N: I'm trying to stick as close as possible to canon, but since we know so little of Tonks and Lupin's relationship and life away from Harry, I'm having to improvise. I hope you're enjoying my interpretation of what happened between them. I'd love feedback, so please review!


	5. Chapter 5

Remus lay in bed, his arms wrapped around the woman he loved. He'd never allowed himself to think those words before, and yet, here she was. He couldn't fathom how one so young and sweet and beautiful could care for someone like him. He thought about the mission that lay ahead of him, and knew he would have to find a way to convince her to let him go. Oh, he knew she wouldn't try to stop him from this mission he'd accepted, but she deserved to be safe and loved and happy, and he couldn't give her that. Even if he survived his time underground, and who knew how long he'd be there, he'd still be a danger to her, no matter what, and he'd never be able to give her the kind of life she deserved. He wouldn't write her another letter; he owed her a real goodbye at the very least.

As the rising sun shone through the window, Remus kissed Tonks awake. Tonks made a happy sound as she deepened this kiss. Remus pulled away, as much as he'd love to lose himself in her again, he knew he had to focus. He saw Tonks' lips pull into a pout, then saw recognition in her eyes.

"Don't say it," she said to him.

"Don't say what?"

"I know you're going to tell me to move on while you're gone, and I don't want to hear it."

"You deserve so much more than I can give you. Even if we both make it through this war, I can't give you the life you deserve, and I can't live with myself, knowing you sacrificed your happiness for me."

"Remus, you make me happy. I don't want anyone else, I want you!"

Remus rolled out of bed, and started pulling on his clothes. Tonks looked at him pleadingly, but he turned away, sure that he was doing the right thing.

"I can't be the man you want and deserve, Nymphadora." Tonks eyes filled with tears. "Please don't make this harder than it is." Remus sat on the bed and took her face in his hands. "I'll always care for you." He kissed her gently, briefly, one last time, and walked to the door. At the door he turned for one last look at her. Her eyes were shining with tears, and he watched as one tear slipped down her cheek. He felt a lump rise in his throat, and he quickly turned away and strode out the door. He blinked away his own tears and he swiftly walked out the front door and to the spot at the end of the drive, just past the wards. He turned on the spot and was gone.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Two months underground, and Remus Lupin felt that he was losing himself. He'd had virtually no contact with the outside world. He sent weekly reports to Dumbledore, using the speaking Patronus that Dumbledore had taught everyone in the Order. He'd only received one in response. He knew Dumbledore was busy, but he wasn't sure how long he could continue this way. He particularly regretted not being able to stay in touch with Harry. He could only imagine how devastated Harry still was about Sirius' death, and Remus was now Harry's last link to his parents.

It was only his thoughts of Tonks that kept him sane. When the other werewolves were off scrounging and stealing food or doing any of the other unspeakable things they seemed to enjoy, Remus would lie in his bed and remember the two blissful nights he'd spent with her. His heart ached, knowing how he had hurt her. He hoped she'd find happiness, although the thought of her with another man was maddening.

He was proud of one thing he'd accomplished while spying. Before each full moon, the other werewolves would plan ahead where they would position themselves for their transformation. It was usually near the homes of families who had insulted one of the werewolves, or even someone Voldemort had targeted. Once it was established which families would be targeted, Remus would find a way to alert them. Based on the werewolves frustration at how few successful attacks they'd had in the past two full moons, Remus knew he'd been successful at warning most of the families.

Unlike the other werewolves, Remus did not blame wizards for his lot in life. Despite his inability to lead a normal life, even in less uncertain times, he could understand wizards' fear of his condition. He was always astounded by those who weren't bothered by his condition when they found out. His thoughts drifted back to his years at Hogwarts, some of the happiest of his life. He'd never understood why James and Sirius had accepted him without a second thought, and their selflessness in attempting the Animagus transformation still astounded him.

He wished his transformations now could be as easy as those had been. It was far too risky to try to take the Wolfsbane Potion here amongst his brethren, so his monthly transformations were excruciating. He had to perform spells on his quarters to prevent himself from getting out and harming anyone while transformed, and he had to do this in absolute secret, or risk being found out.

Remus heard the stirrings of his fellows outside his door. He sighed heavily and rolled off his hard, uncomfortable bed and went back to his duty.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

A/N: Sorry for a short chapter this time, the next one should be longer!


	6. Chapter 6

Tonks was patrolling the streets of Hogsmeade, where she'd been stationed for the past two months. She noticed a number of teenagers hurrying from store to store, trying to get out of the nasty weather. Tonks realized it must be a Hogsmeade weekend for the Hogwarts students. Thinking back to several days before, she remembered Dumbledore notifying her, Dawlish, Savage, and Proudfoot about this. _Bloody Hell,_ she thought, _I need to stop letting myself be so distracted. I'm going to lose my job at this rate._

Tonks was untroubled by the sleet raining down on her as she continued patrolling, now more aware of the packs of students. She wondered if she'd run into Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny. Part of her hoped for it, but she wasn't the same person she'd been when they'd spent time together before. She rarely smiled anymore, and her Metamorphmagus powers seemed to have vanished completely. She glanced at her mousy brown hair in the window of a shop as she passed and sighed.

She looked up and saw Harry strangling Mundungus Fletcher against the wall outside the Three Broomsticks. She hurried over, and as she reached them, Harry was blasted backwards slightly, and Mundungus Disapparated with his arms full of odds and ends. Tonks immediately realized that Harry had caught Mundungus selling the things he'd stolen from Sirius' house, something he'd been doing for months. She sighed as Harry yelled for Mundungus to come back.

"There's no point, Harry," she said. When Harry, Ron, and Hermione turned and stared at her, she continued, "Mundungus will probably be in London by now. There's no point yelling." Tonks felt sorry for Harry, knowing that those things belonged to him now, but Mundungus wouldn't stop no matter who told him to.

"He's nicked Sirius' stuff! Nicked it!" Harry shouted.

Tonks was reminded of how young Harry still was, despite what he'd proven he was capable of. She knew standing out in the sleet wouldn't accomplish anything and she didn't want Harry drawing any more attention to himself this way, so she said, "Yes, but still, you should get out of the cold." Harry looked hurt as he was led into the Three Broomsticks by Ron and Hermione.

As the door shut behind him, Tonks continued her patrol, troubled by Mundungus' continued thievery from headquarters and how hurt Harry obviously was by it. Tonks wondered if he was bothered because it was his things that Mundungus had stolen, or if it was because they'd belonged to Sirius. She'd seen how close Harry and Sirius had been when she'd seen them together the previous year, and a fresh wave of guilt over Sirius' death overwhelmed her. She still blamed herself for not being able to hold her own against Bellatrix.

After her shift ended and she'd Apparated back to her flat in London, Tonks sent a Patronus to Dumbledore, explaining the scene she'd witnessed between Harry and Mundungus. She doubted it would do much good, but she'd promised to give reports of anything out of the ordinary to Dumbledore in addition to the Auror office, although she neglected to include the incident in her official report. She wasn't about to be responsible for Harry getting in any kind of trouble.

Tonks had just sent her official report for the day to the Ministry when there was a knock at her door. She pulled a jumper on over her t-shirt and opened the door with her wand in hand. She was shocked to see Terrence Proudfoot standing before her. Terrence was another Auror to whom Tonks had always been attracted. They'd flirted casually while working together in the past, but since she'd fallen for Remus Lupin, she'd been much more professional with him, although still friendly since they were stationed in Hogsmeade together. He was tall, with a muscular frame, dark brown hair and eyes, and a sweet disposition.

"Terrence! What are you doing here?"

"You really know how to give a guy a nice greeting, don't you Tonks?" he joked.

Tonks blushed. "Sorry, I just wasn't expecting you."

"No worries. You've seemed pretty down lately, I thought I'd come try to cheer you up. I'm heading to the Three Broomsticks for a drink, would you like to join me?"

Tonks' first thought was to refuse. She still spent most nights thinking about Remus, wondering if he was safe, dreaming about those two incredible nights they'd spent together. She missed him terribly, but on the other hand, he'd made it clear that even if they both make it through this war, he wouldn't consider a future with her, despite their feelings for each other.

Seeing Tonks' hesitation, Terrence teased, "One drink with me can't be so bad, can it?"

Tonks blushed and smiled. "All right then, one drink," she said, and grabbed her cloak.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Tonks and Terrence sat at a table in a corner of the Three Broomsticks. Terrence had a glass of firewhiskey in front of him, while Tonks was nursing a bottle of butterbeer. They chatted for awhile about how dull their assignment here in Hogsmeade was, then the conversation turned to their families.

"How do your parents feel about you being an Auror, especially now?" Tonks asked.

"They don't know much about it, to be honest. They're Muggles, and they had a pretty tough time of it when they realized I wouldn't be going back to being 'normal' after finishing Hogwarts. They moved to the States a year or two after I joined the Ministry. We still talk every month or so, but I've kept them in the dark about what's going on and what I really do at the Ministry. They just don't understand magic at all."

Tonks impulsively grabbed his hand. "That must be really hard for you."

"It's not so bad. I know they're safe, and they don't worry about me too much." Terrence shrugged. "So what about your family?"

"They're really supportive. I know they worry about me, especially now with everything that's going on, but I know they're proud of me. They're both magic, so I can't hide the truth from them."

Tonks looked down and realized she was still holding Terrence's hand. She let go, blushing, and took a long drink of her butterbeer. She peeked at Terrence sideways and saw he was grinning at her.

"So, what house were you in?" Tonks asked, grasping at the first topic that popped into her head.

Terrence laughed and it sounded like music to Tonks. "You don't remember?"

Tonks blushed again. "You had to be at least four or five years ahead of me, I can't remember everyone!"

"I was a prefect in your house!" he teased. "I showed you to the Hufflepuff common room your first night at Hogwarts!"

Tonks was embarrassed, but tried to redeem herself. "What can I say? You've changed a lot since then."

"So have you. I remember you used to change your hair to yellow and black streaks for Quidditch matches."

Tonks touched a hand to her mousy hair. "I guess a lot has changed since then," she said darkly.

Terrence looked concerned. "Did I say something wrong?"

Tonks touched his arm. "No, no. It's not you. I've been struggling with my Metamorphosing lately."

She could see Terrence wanted to ask why, but he didn't. She drained the last of her butterbeer, and saw that Terrence had finished his firewhiskey. Like she read Tonks' mind, Madam Rosmerta appeared at their table.

"Another round?" Rosmerta asked.

"No, thanks, Rosmerta. I should be getting home," Tonks said and she stood up.

Terrence stood up as well and they walked out into the storm. Terrence grasped her arm and spun on the spot, Apparating them to Tonks' front door. Tonks turned to Terrence and smiled up at him.

"Thanks for talking me into coming out tonight, Terrence. I had fun."

"I did too, Tonks."

Terrence stepped closer to her and Tonks knew he was going to kiss her. Surprisingly, instead of turning away, she tilted her face up to him as he brought his lips down to meet hers. Tonks closed her eyes and savored the feeling as his lips brushed gently over hers. Without thinking, Tonks reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck and felt Terrence's hands on her back. She pressed against his firm, toned body and deepened the kiss, allowing him to slip his tongue into her mouth. She moaned very faintly as his tongue massaged hers. The sound seemed to startle them both, and they broke apart.

"Goodnight Tonks" Terrence said softly, and Disapparated.

Tonks stood there for a moment, staring at the spot Terrence had vanished from. She let herself into her flat and touched her lips subconsciously. _What just happened?_ she thought. She really had enjoyed the evening with Terrence, and that kiss was just as much her doing as his. She hadn't felt the same spark she did with Remus, but she had enjoyed it quite a bit. She went to bed very confused.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Two months later, Tonks was getting ready for a night in with Terrence. They'd been out several more times, and Tonks was growing to really like him. She forced all thoughts of Remus out of her head whenever they were together, and she really enjoyed herself with Terrence. She was still having trouble with her Metamorphosing and her Patronus was still the shape of a werewolf, but she wasn't letting it bother her anymore.

Tonks put the casserole she'd been assembling in the oven and headed to the bathroom for a quick shower. As she caressed her soapy body in the shower, she wondered if tonight would be the night with Terrence. She'd been reluctant to jump into anything physical with him after her brief affair with Remus. Her mind drifted between her attraction to Terrence and the amazing nights she'd spend with Remus, and her fingers played gently with her nipples. Tonks slid one hand down to play between her folds. She leaned against the side of the shower and rubbed her clit with one hand while still teasing her nipples with the other hand. Her moans and sighs of pleasure echoed through her small bathroom and she couldn't be sure who she was picturing as her orgasm washed over her. She leaned against the shower wall, trembling slightly, for a few minutes before finishing up her shower and continuing her preparations for Terrence.

Thirty minutes later, she was dressed in tight jeans and a loose purple top that slipped off one shoulder. She'd swiped on some mascara and eyeliner, which she rarely bothered with. She was checking the casserole when she heard the knock on the door. She glanced at the clock and saw that Terrence wasn't meant to arrive for another twenty minutes. It was unusual for him to be so early. She hurried to the door with her wand in her hand. She opened the door and was shocked to see Molly Weasley standing there.

"Molly, has something happened?" Tonks asked urgently.

"Oh, no, dear, nothing like that," Molly replied. Tonks breathed a sigh of relief. "I just wanted to stop by and invite you to Christmas dinner next week."

"Oh, Molly, that's so kind of you. My parents are on holiday in France through the New Year."

"Not at all, we'd love to have you. Fred and George will be home, and of course Ron and Ginny will be home from Hogwarts, and Harry will be joining us as well. Bill and Fleur will be home as well, and I've just received word from Remus that he'll be able to get away and join us for a few days as well."

Tonks heart leapt into her throat. "Thank you, Molly. I'm not sure if I'll be able to come, I might be on duty in Hogsmeade. I'll let you know as soon as I can."

Molly smiled sadly at Tonks. "Have you spoken to Remus?"

"Not for nearly five months," Tonks said bitterly, shaking her head. "And I think it's pretty clear he doesn't want to see me."

"What makes you say that?"

"The fact that he contacted you to let you know he'd be joining you for Christmas, but has made no effort to contact me, not even to let me know he's okay!" Tonks paused. "I'm sorry, Molly, but I think I'll just be on my own for Christmas this year."

"Well, if you change your mind, you're always welcome. Goodnight Tonks."

"Goodnight, Molly."

Tonks sat down with her face in her hands. She was finally getting Remus out of her head, and here he was forcing his way back in. She took a few deep, calming breaths to settle herself down. This didn't change anything; she was seeing Terrence, he was kind and handsome and generous with her, and most importantly, he was available to her. He wouldn't vanish for months on end, and he wouldn't act like she wasn't mature enough to know what she wants. She stood up and smoothed her hair, pushing all thoughts of Remus aside again when the timer sounded, letting her know the casserole was done. Tonks set the table and conjured some flowers and a vase with a wave of her wand. When Terrence arrived at last, she greeted him with a kiss and a smile.

After dinner, Tonks waved her wand and the dishes piled themselves neatly in the sink. She turned to Terrence and smiled nervously. She held her hand out to him and led him to her bedroom. She waved her wand once more, and lit the candles she'd set out earlier. She pulled Terrence down onto the bed with her and lost herself in his kiss. Before she knew it they were both naked except for their underwear. Terrence caressed her body with his hands and kissed her neck. Tonks shimmied out of her lacy panties, then eased Terrence's boxers off of him.

Tonks' heart was pounding as Terrence kissed over her stomach and settled between her legs. She wanted this, but something didn't feel quite right. She pushed her discomfort away as Terrence's tongue traced her outer lips and her eyes fluttered closed when one finger pressed inside her. She moaned in pleasure which seemed to encourage Terrence. He parted her lips and lapped at her clit. Tonks tried to just enjoy Terrence's tongue on her and forget about her confusion over Remus. She pulled Terrence up to kiss her and guided his cock to her entrance. He thrust into her and groaned. He leaned down to kiss her as he moved in and out of her. Tonks closed her eyes and Remus' face came to her, unbidden. Her desire increased at his image in her mind and she started meeting Terrence's hips with her own on each thrust. Her moans emboldened Terrence, who thrust into her harder and faster and started to rub her clit. She felt Terrence come inside her, which triggered her own orgasm.

In her passion she cried out Remus' name. She felt Terrence tense and she realized immediately what she'd done. He pulled out of her, still breathing heavily, and sat on the edge of the bed with his back to her. Tonks sat up and reached out to him.

"Terrence, I –"

"Who is he?" Terrence interrupted her tersely.

"He's – he's no one. He doesn't matter."

"Tonks, I'm not an idiot. I figured you were hung up on someone when we first started seeing each other, but I assumed you got over him since you continued dating me. Apparently I was wrong." Terrence's voice sounded harsh as he stood up and pulled on his boxers and trousers.

"Terrence, please. I – I really like you, and I've enjoyed the time we've spent together," Tonks pleaded. She heard Terrence scoff. "Please, look at me so we can talk about this."

Terrence sighed and turned around. "What is there to talk about? Do you love this Remus guy?" Tonks looked away. "I thought so."

"I thought I was over him. I wasn't trying to use you; I really do love spending time with you." Tonks was kneeling on the bed and reached up to touch his face. "You've made me happy these past few months."

"I've loved spending time with you, too," Terrence replied, "but I can't be with someone who's in love with another man. I'll try not to let things be awkward at work, but I can't do this. I have to go."

Tears filled Tonks' eyes as she watched him pull on his shirt and walk out of her bedroom. She wrapped a throw blanket around herself and hurried after him.

"Terrence, please don't leave like this!" she cried desperately as he opened the front door.

"I'm sorry Tonks. Goodbye."

Tonks sank to her knees as the door clicked shut. How did she screw everything up so badly? She sat there on the floor and sobbed, horrified at how she'd hurt him, and how much she was hurting over him and Remus both.


	7. Chapter 7

"_I invited dear Tonks to come along today, but she wouldn't come. Have you spoken to her lately, Remus?"_

"_No, I haven't been in contact with anybody very much. But Tonks has got her own family to go to, hasn't she?"_

"_Hmmm, maybe. I got the impression she was planning to spend Christmas alone actually."_

Remus thought back to the conversation at Christmas dinner earlier that day. Hearing about Tonks felt like a knife twisting in his chest. What Harry had said about her Patronus had only made it worse.

"_Tonks' Patronus has changed its form. Snape said so anyway. I didn't know that could happen. Why would your Patronus change?"_

"_Sometimes…a great shock…an emotional upheaval…"_

"_It looked big, and it had four legs. Hey…it couldn't be -?"_

Remus wasn't sure what Harry thought Tonks' Patronus could have turned into, but he'd never been more grateful to see the Minister of Magic, who had interrupted that conversation. Remus thought he might know what shape her Patronus had taken, and he didn't relish trying to explain his relationship with Tonks to Harry. Harry wouldn't understand his reasons for discontinuing the relationship. Harry didn't understand the full extent of Remus' condition – he was so like James and Sirius that way. He loved him for his ideological attitude, but it was sometimes exasperating when his friends didn't fully grasp the way the rest of society looked at him.

Remus had made his excuses shortly after Percy and the Minister had left, and now stood in front of door to Tonks' flat. He'd missed her so much, and he couldn't stay away, but was now afraid to knock on the door. He wasn't sure if she was angry or upset with him, he didn't even know if she still cared for him. He wasn't sure which option was the worst to ponder. He braced himself and knocked on the door. He told himself he just wanted to make sure she was alright and wasn't spending her whole Christmas alone.

The door opened, and the woman standing there was very different from the vibrant young woman he knew. She looked as if she'd lost at least 15 pounds, her hair was a dull, mousy brown, and she was paler than he'd ever seen her. She had dark circles under her eyes which were rimmed with red as if she'd spent hours crying. When she saw him, she sighed and reluctantly gestured him inside.

"Tonks, are you ill?"

"Not physically," she muttered. "What are you doing here?"

"Molly said you were spending Christmas alone, I wanted to be sure you're okay."

"I'm fine," she said defensively.

"Obviously not," Remus scoffed. "You look like you haven't eaten in days, you've clearly been crying. What's going on?"

"I ate the dinner Molly sent over," Tonks replied, gesturing to the dirty plates on her table. "And whether or not I've been crying is none of your concern."

"Tonks, please…" he said pleadingly, reaching out to her. It killed him to see her looking so defeated and hurt. She stepped backwards, out of his reach.

"No, Remus. This time you're going to listen to me. I'm in love with you, and I thought you felt the same for me, or at least cared. But instead of letting me know you're safe and alive, you contact Molly, and spend Christmas with the Weasleys, and I have to hear about it secondhand from Molly."

"I wasn't sure you'd want to hear from me," Remus said quietly. Apparently it was the wrong thing to say, as Tonks seemed to lose control.

"You thought I wouldn't want to hear from you?! Even when I'm furious with you, I still want to know you're okay! In the past five months, not a single day has gone by that I haven't wondered if you've been hurt or killed and I'd never see you again." Remus saw tears filling her eyes and his heart wrenched as he realized how much pain he'd caused her. "I tried moving on, I actually was seeing someone, but all I ended up doing was hurting him."

He hated to admit how jealous he was when he heard that she'd been seeing another man. He was speechless, and she wasn't done.

"I slept with him," she stated baldly.

Remus felt physically ill at the thought of another man kissing her, touching her, inside her. He shuddered and turned his away slightly. He knew he had no right to be jealous, he'd told her to move on, but he couldn't help his revulsion at the thought.

"I slept with him, and do you know whose face was in my head, whose hands I was imagining were touching me, whose name I cried out when I climaxed?"

Remus looked at her and his eyes widened.

"Yes, yours. I hurt this sweet, wonderful man who only wanted to make me happy, because I'm in love with you, and you don't even have the courtesy to tell me you're okay and you're going to be around for Christmas. And now here you are, and instead of being grateful you're alive and whole, I'm yelling at you for things beyond your control." Tears were spilling down Tonks' face and she hugged her arms around her skinny body.

Remus couldn't help himself, he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her. She didn't resist him, and after a moment she wrapped her arms around his back and sobbed into his chest. He could feel her shaking as she cried in his arms and he hated himself for causing her so much anguish. He kissed the top of her head and smelled the sweet lavender of her shampoo.

"Tonks, I – I never wanted to hurt you. I _do_ care for you very much, but you know why I can't be with you. It's not safe for you. I couldn't live with myself if I hurt you when I transform. You deserve – "

Tonks pulled away. "I'm not listening to this anymore, Remus. I've heard it all before, and I told you that I don't care. Your age doesn't bother me, I don't care if you're poor, and I am _not_ afraid of you. I love you exactly as you are."

She looked up at him pleadingly, and it took every ounce of Remus' willpower to not cave in. He loved everything about her, including her obstinacy.

"I can't," he said at last. "I'm sorry, Nymphadora, but I can't."

Her eyes closed and she looked completely crushed, it broke his heart to see her look that way. She'd been so full of life, what had he done to her?

"Just go, then," she said quietly, looking away from him.

"I don't want to leave you this way, please let me explain," he said desperately.

"You've explained enough, Remus. Please, just leave me alone."

Remus opened his mouth to speak, but couldn't think of a thing to say that would help. His hands dropped to his sides in defeat and walked to the door. He opened the door and turned to look at her once more, but she was turned away from him. He sighed, and walked out, cursing himself for ever getting involved with her. He knew he could never give any woman any kind of future; he had no business messing with her head this way. He Disapparated back to the entrance to the werewolves' underground den.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

The next several months passed painfully slowly for Remus; he was able to keep track of the time by tracking the lunar phases. His transformations remained excruciating without the Wolfsbane Potion, and his heart was no longer in his mission until the day after the full moon in February. Castor, a werewolf close to Greyback, brought in a boy, no older than sixteen, with what looked like a fresh bite on his forearm. Remus looked up from his meager meal and watched as the boy was led to Greyback.

"A convert for you, Greyback," Castor said proudly.

"What's your name, boy?" Greyback growled, ignoring Castor.

"Graham."

"I assume your family abandoned you."

"My mother wanted to take me to a Healer, but my father said it's no use, I'm ruined and they're better off without me endangering them."

"Well, Graham, this is your family now." Greyback gestured at the werewolves around the room.

Remus cursed under his breath. How could his parents abandon him to this fate? Remus swore to himself that he'd do what he could to look out for the boy, who reminded him quite a bit of Harry in his pride and bravery in facing a room full of fully grown werewolves and not showing a bit of fear.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Several weeks later, the full moon was approaching again. Remus was walking to his quarters when he spotted Graham sitting alone in his room. Few others were around; most of the pack had gone out hunting. Remus stood in the doorway and watched Graham quietly for a moment.

"Graham, isn't it?"

"Who wants to know?" Graham said sullenly.

Remus entered the room and stuck out his hand. "Remus Lupin."

Graham eyed him, then grasped Remus' hand in a firm grip. "Graham Toulson."

"This will be your first full moon, won't it?" Graham nodded. "Has anyone told you what to expect?"

"Not really. Greyback told me they'll show me where to go, but I don't know what it'll be like."

"I won't lie to you, it's painful. You won't remember much of the transformation afterwards, but your muscles will be sore for days, and you'll likely have scratches and bites, although if you're going out to bite someone, those won't be as bad."

"Mr. Lupin?" Graham asked quietly.

"Call me Remus, please."

"Can I be honest with you, Remus?" Remus nodded, and Graham kept his voice low, speaking almost timidly. "I don't want to be punished, but I don't want to hurt anyone. I know I'm a werewolf now, and they keep telling me that it's our duty to avenge ourselves on the wizards who shun us, but I don't want anyone else to have to go through this. With the way everyone here acts, it's no wonder we're shunned."

"I know, son. If you'd like, I can help you." Graham looked up at these words. "I was bitten when I was six years old. I've transformed 376 times, and I've never bit another human."

Graham was stunned. "How…?"

"You must never speak of this to anyone here, but before the full moon, when all the others go out to position themselves, I put wards around my room so I can't escape when I transform. When I was young, my parents did it for me, then I learned the spells as I grew older, and started doing it myself. I've only been here for a few months, I used to live on my own. When I could get it, I'd take the Wolfsbane Potion, which made me safe. If you don't want to bite anyone, I can help you put the wards around your room. And when I leave here, I can help you escape. We can find a place for you, if you don't want to stay here."

It took a few moments for this to all settle in for Graham. "I – I don't know. I don't want to bite anyone, but I don't want to be on my own either. I'm scared." He whispered the last words.

Remus grasped Graham's shoulder. "I understand, believe me. Let's just get you through this full moon for now."

The night of the full moon, Graham and Remus left with the others, but circled back, and Remus showed Graham the spells to use to lock himself in his room, then went to his own room to make the same preparations.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

A few weeks later in early April, Remus was once again lying in his room, daydreaming about Tonks, wondering how she was and if she hated him. Suddenly, a silver phoenix Patronus flew into his room.

Albus Dumbledore's voice spoke to him, "Greyback knows you are a spy. You must leave at once."

The phoenix vanished, and Remus leapt up. He knew he should run for the exit at once, but he couldn't leave without giving Graham a chance to leave with him. He raced through the empty corridor to Graham's room. He flung open the door without knocking.

"Remus! What wrong?" Graham said, startled.

Remus spoke quickly and quietly. "I'm leaving at once, for good. This is your only chance to come with me."

"I – I'm not ready. I c-can't leave, I feel safe here." Graham stuttered, obviously shocked.

Remus sighed. "If you ever want to leave, you can find me at 130 Treworder Lane in Woodbridge. If I'm not there, stay as long as you like in my cottage." Remus embraced Graham briskly. "Be safe, and remember the wards."

Remus hurried out, moving as silently along the corridors as possible. He could see the exit at last, all he needed was to get past the main gathering room, and through the exit of the cave and he could Disapparate twenty yards out. He made it past the gathering room without drawing attention to himself and he was just out of the cave when he heard the voice.

"Going somewhere, Lupin?" Greyback growled.

Remus sprinted as fast as he could, but didn't make it outside the wards in time.

"CRUCIO!" Greyback shouted and Remus' body spasmed in agony. The curse threw him through the air but the torture was so intense, he didn't even notice when he crashed to the ground. He felt as if his very bones were on fire, his screams of pain filled the night air. As quickly as it started, the pain was gone, but Remus couldn't bring himself to move for a moment. That moment's hesitation cost him, as Greyback was atop him in an instant, scratching, biting, punching, and kicking him. Remus didn't have a chance to fight back before Greyback was on his feet again. Remus didn't even hear the incantation the second time, but his world was filled with naught but pain again. It lasted longer this time, and Remus begged silently for it to end, to just die, as his screams rent the night. The force of the curse had thrown his body through the air once more, and he landed just beyond the boundary of the wards. The instant the curse lifted, Remus agonizingly forced himself up and spun on the spot.

Remus landed on the doorstep of number twelve, Grimmauld Place and collapsed. His body was broken and he felt his consciousness fading quickly. The last image that went through his mind was Tonks. Light hit his face as the door opened, and it all went black.


	8. Chapter 8

Tonks glanced down at her watch and sighed. She had another hour before the shift change, and she was exhausted. She'd volunteered to take the night shift for patrolling Hogsmeade, and she was regretting it. She'd been having trouble sleeping even before this schedule, now trying to sleep during the day was making it even more difficult.

The past several months had been the worst of her life. Terrence refused to speak to her about anything not work related, which was part of her motivation in volunteering for the night shift. Someone had noticed how distracted she was, and she'd received an official warning from Robards, the Head of the Auror office. She assumed it was Savage, as he'd never liked her and had openly said that women shouldn't be Aurors, the sexist pig.

But these issues paled in comparison to what was really bothering her. She couldn't stop thinking about Remus Lupin. She'd never been in love before, but she was sure that she was in love with Remus. She wanted to be angry with him, but she couldn't. She knew he was afraid of hurting her, and she could even understand why, given the way society treated him. But it didn't stop her from being hurt that he rejected her. Combined with her continued fear for him, she was incredibly distracted and distraught. There'd been no mention of him or his mission at the past three Order meetings, but she was afraid to ask about it. The last time she'd brought him up at a meeting, Snape had sneered at her and made a snide comment asking why she was so interested. She figured Remus didn't want anyone to know about them, given his reaction to Snape finding out. So she continued to worry in silence, confiding only in Molly, whom she felt was the only person she could trust.

At eight-fifteen, she was waiting impatiently for Dawlish to relieve her. He Apparated in, out of breath.

"You're fifteen minutes late!" she cried.

"Sorry, Tonks," he said, still winded, "I got called in to help out. There was a situation with some werewolves."

Tonks' heart stopped. "What was the situation?" she asked quickly.

"Fenrir Greyback and a few other werewolves went on a rampage in Diagon Alley. They destroyed a few shops. We were called in and managed to capture one of them. Sounds like Greyback attacked one of his werewolves, the victim escaped, and Greyback lost it – decided he to attack whatever he could."

"Do – do you know who the victim was?" Tonks asked, her heart pounding in her chest.

"Nope, no sign of him. No one's shown up at St. Mungo's either. Can't complain though, if there's one less werewolf out there, eh?"

"Right, well I've got to get going, Dawlish. I'll see you." Tonks hurried off toward Hogwarts, leaving Dawlish staring at her.

* * *

After discovering Dumbledore wasn't at Hogwarts, she'd bumped into Harry on her way out. She felt guilty about brushing him off, but she was too worried. She just knew, in the pit of her stomach, that it was Remus who had been attacked. She Apparated to Grimmauld Place, hoping someone there would know what was going on.

She opened the door and heard someone moving around in the kitchen. She hurried into the kitchen to see Molly Weasley cooking. Molly jumped when Tonks spoke.

"Molly, do you know where I could find Dumbledore?"

"Well, yes, he's upstairs right now."

"Good," Tonks said, and turned to go upstairs.

"Tonks, wait. You should sit down."

Tonks sank into a chair at the kitchen table. "Remus was attacked, wasn't he?" she spoke aloud the fear that had filled her since Dawlish had told her about the werewolf attack.

"Yes, but Dumbledore thinks he'll be fine. He healed Remus right away, we're just waiting for him to wake up. I'm whipping up some stew for when he wakes up, the poor man looks like he's been starving for months, not that he looked much better at Christmas." Tonks stared at her in shock, her eyes full of tears. "I'm sorry, dear, I ramble when I'm worried." Molly sat down and placed her hand over Tonks'. "I know how much you care for him, but I promise he's fine. Dumbledore fixed him right up, and he seemed to be stirring when I came down. Why don't you go up and see him?"

Tonks hesitated; she'd thrown him out of her apartment on Christmas, would he even want to see her?

Molly smiled at her kindly. "I know he'll be glad to see you. He might not want to admit it, but I know he cares for you too. Here, take up some stew," she said and handed Tonks a bowl of stew.

Tonks took a deep breath, and turned to climb the stairs. She paused outside the bedroom she knew was always Remus' when he stayed at Headquarters. She heard quiet voices within and realized Remus must be awake. She took a deep, calming breath, knocked gently and opened the door. She sloshed a little bit of stew on herself when she stopped short, seeing who was in the room. She'd known Dumbledore would be there, but she wasn't expecting Severus Snape. Her eyes flicked away from him to Remus lying in bed, propped up on several pillows. He looked terribly pale and gaunt, with new scars on his face and torso, but her heart still sped up just at the sight of him. He smiled slightly when he looked up and saw her.

"I, er, Molly sent me to bring you some stew," Tonks said awkwardly. She didn't know what to say to him, especially with Snape and Dumbledore looking on.

Dumbledore looked at her with a smile on his face, his eyes twinkling, then turned back to Remus. "Just what you need. I'll leave you in Nymphadora and Molly's capable hands," he placed his hand on Remus', "I can't apologize enough, Remus…"

Remus waved a hand dismissively. "It's not your fault I didn't move quickly enough."

Tonks saw Dumbledore's eyes flick for a split second to Severus, then back to Remus. "Yes, well…" Dumbledore's voice trailed off.

Snape placed a vial on the bedside table. "You'll want to take that within the hour, Lupin," he said coolly.

"Thank you both," Remus said.

Dumbledore stood up and turned to Tonks once more. "Do take care of the poor man, Nymphadora, he had quite a night," he said, his eyes twinkly once more and a smile played at the corners of his mouth. Tonks wondered to herself how the man always seemed to know everything about everyone.

"Of course, sir," she replied, and with that, Dumbledore swept out of the room, Snape following after one last sneering glance at Tonks and Remus.

Tonks suddenly felt terribly awkward, and couldn't bring herself to look at Remus. She placed the bowl of stew on the bedside table and busied herself with moving a chair close to his bed. She could feel Remus watching her as she sat in the chair and picked up the stew once more and scooped a spoonful.

"You're going to have an awfully hard time feeding that to me if you won't even look at me," Remus teased.

Tonks blushed, and looked at him at last, her eyes feasting on his face, still handsome despite the scars and how thin he was.

"I'm glad you're all right," she murmured, looking down again.

Remus smiled at her. "I really am, you know. I can even eat my own stew."

Tonks smiled. "You heard Dumbledore, I'm on orders to take care of you. Prepare to be mollycoddled," she teased. She'd missed the playful banter they'd once enjoyed.

Remus rolled his eyes, but allowed her to feed him the stew. They fell into an uncomfortable silence and Tonks wondered if she'd get away with not needing to discuss their last encounter. She was feeling very insecure, given how unsure she was of his feelings for her. He'd said he cared for her, but what did that mean? Did he want to only be friends now? She knew she wanted more than that, she needed more than that. When he finished the stew she placed the empty bowl back on the nightstand and looked out the window.

She finally broke the awkward silence. "How long until you have to go back underground?"

"I won't be going back," he replied and Tonks stared at him in surprise. "Greyback found out I was a spy."

"How? What happened?"

"Last night, Severus was at a meeting between Greyback and several Death Eaters. He gave them the names of some of his werewolves. One of the Death Eaters recognized my name, and told Greyback I'm a suspected member of the Order. They put two and two together, and Greyback came after me. Severus immediately told Dumbledore that Greyback knew I was a spy. Dumbledore sent me a Patronus, and I didn't get away quickly enough. Greyback attacked me, I got away and came here."

"What did he-?"

"Please don't ask me to recount all the details of last night. I'm fine now, and that's what matters. Dumbledore healed my wounds and that potion will take care of the rest of the pain, if you'd be so kind as to hand it to me," Remus spoke harshly.

Tonks' blinked away the tears in her eyes. She pulled the cork out of the vial and handed it to Remus wordlessly. He swallowed the potion and leaned back against the pillows with a sigh.

"I'll let you rest," Tonks said quietly, and stood up to leave.

Remus grabbed her hand. "No, don't go. Er – I'd like you to stay if you would."

Tonks looked at him in surprise. He pulled her closer and she perched on the edge of the bed.

"I didn't mean to snap at you, I'm just not ready to relive it again." He looked at her hand as he caressed it with his own.

"Don't worry about it," Tonks responded. She heart ached wondering what that monster had done to him that was so awful Remus couldn't talk about it. She closed her eyes at the sensation of his thumb rubbing over her palm. Any contact with him seemed to make her melt.

"I've missed you," he said quietly. "I know I've hurt you, and I can't tell you how sorry I am for that. You are an incredible woman and I'm a bloody idiot for treating you the way I have. I hope you'll forgive me and we can start over."

Tonks looked into his deep blue eyes. She wanted to badly to acquiesce, but needed more from him. "What does that mean, 'start over'? And what exactly are you sorry for? I told you I'm in love with you and that hasn't changed. I _love_ you, Remus. If you're looking to just go back to being friends, I'm not sure I can do that." Remus started to interrupt, but Tonks needed to get it all out. "I understand why you're afraid, I really do. But I'm in no more danger with you than I am with anyone else. We're in the middle of a bloody war, in case you hadn't noticed, and we're all in danger. I don't see why we should miss out on something amazing just because we're afraid."

Remus spoke in a choked voice. "Nymphadora, I - I don't know-"

Tonks stood up and let the tears that had been threatening spill down her cheeks. "You know where to find me when you're ready, Remus."

She turned to leave and was at the door when his voice made her hesitate.

"Nymphadora, please, wait," he said desperately. "I love you, too."

The three words she'd ached to hear and he'd finally said them. She turned to him again, her eyes glistening. "You do?"

"I do." He'd gotten up out of bed and walked shakily towards her. "You need to understand, I can't promise you anything. I still have my doubts. But I can't deny how I feel any longer."

He cupped her face in his hands, gently wiping her tears away with his thumbs. She tilted her face up to his and he leaned down to kiss her sweetly, briefly. She felt him shaking against her.

"You should be in bed," she murmured, gazing up at him.

"I have a bed at my cottage. I hate being in this house," he replied.

Tonks helped him downstairs, told Molly where they were going, and they Apparated to Remus' cottage together.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Sorry for the long-ish wait between chapters. It's an extra long one to make up for the wait!**

* * *

When Remus awoke one Sunday morning in late June, he was surprised to find an empty space beside him. He rolled over to see Tonks walking into the bedroom, a piece of toast in her mouth and a cup of coffee in each hand. He chuckled and she blushed when she realized he'd been watching her.

"What are you doing up so early?" he asked as he sat up and took a cup of coffee from her.

Tonks pulled the piece of toast from her mouth and carefully sat down with her own cup. "I promised my parents I'd have brunch with them."

Remus nodded and sipped his coffee.

Tonks looked at him sideways and said in a voice that was a bit too casual, "You could come with me. They'd love to meet you."

Remus snorted. "I'm closer in age to your parents than I am to you, I have no money, and I'm a werewolf. I think it's safe to say that your parents definitely would not love to meet me."

Tonks rolled her eyes and sighed. "My parents don't care about that kind of thing, Remus. And even if they did, it's my opinion that counts, not theirs."

"Of course they care! How could any parent not care that their daughter is sleeping with a monster?" he shouted, feeling angry all of the sudden.

Tonks stood up, spilling coffee down her front in the process, but she didn't seem to notice. "Why do you insist on being so self-deprecating? You know I don't see you that way, I never have."

Remus set down his own cup and stood to face her with the bed between them. "Maybe you don't, but the rest of our world does. You don't see how people react when they find out what I am. Most can't even look at me, they won't talk to me, they hide their children from me. Why do you think I keep to myself? If people found out you were shagging a werewolf, they'd shun you the same way they shun me."

"Because that's all this is, right? We're just shagging, there's nothing more between us. Never mind the fact that I love you. Never mind that I _thought_ you loved me. And when have I _ever_ given you the impression that I give a flying fuck about what other people think of me?"

Remus felt like she'd slapped him. "You know that's not what I meant, of course there's more between us than sex. That's why I can't let you lose your family because of me," he said, walking around the bed. "I couldn't live with myself."

"You're not listening to me! My parents wouldn't care. My mum turned her back on her pure-blood family to marry my Muggle-born dad, because she loved him. Do you really think they're going to judge me for loving you? Do you think, after what my mother went through with her family, they'd do the same thing to me?" Tonks shouted, poking him in the chest.

"Even if you're right about your family, that's not how the rest of the world will see it. You just don't understand-"

Remus staggered backwards. This time, she really had slapped him.

"You seem to be under the mistaken impression that I'm either too stupid, or too immature to understand you," Tonks hissed. "I understand why you're afraid, Remus, but it's you who doesn't seem to understand that I care far more about you than I do about what anyone else thinks. And until you can wrap your head around that, and treat me like the woman you love, instead of just some girl you're shagging, I don't want to see you. I can't promise I'll wait forever, either."

With that, she turned on her heel and walked out. She slammed the front door of his cottage behind her on her way out.

Remus was too stunned to follow her. Logically, he knew she was right; the people who mattered wouldn't care. But he couldn't seem to banish the fear that he couldn't bring himself to vocalize to her: that when she realized how people would treat her for being involved with him, she'd leave him. The thought of losing her was like physical pain, he couldn't bear it. And yet, he was going to lose her if he didn't make a commitment to her. He collapsed back on the bed, unsure what to do.

* * *

Remus rummaged in the back of his closet, looking for a small black box his father had given him many years before. He wondered if he should be thinking about Bill, whose face would never be the same, or if he should be grieving for Dumbledore, who had just died hours before, but somehow, there was something far more important in that moment. He ripped open a box full of photographs and spotted a photo of himself with Sirius and James in their fifth year at Hogwarts. Would they approve of what he was about to do? He felt certain they would have. In fact, they probably would've been berating him for not doing it sooner. Finally, at the bottom of a box of old clothes, he found the tiny box he'd been searching for. He opened it and pulled out his mother's engagement ring. His father had given it to him years ago, after his mother's death, but he'd sworn he'd never use it. He smiled as he remembered his father's reply. _"Someday you'll meet a girl who won't fear your lycanthropy the way you do. When you find her, don't let her get away, son." _Remus muttered a spell to polish the ring, and placed it back in the box and pocketed it.

He rushed out of his cottage and Apparated to Tonks' flat. It was past midnight, but he felt certain she'd be awake. He took a deep breath and knocked on the door. Seconds later, the door was flung open and Tonks stood before him, looking beautiful, even in her sorrow. He could see she'd been crying, and he stepped forward to try to take her in his arms. Tonks stepped back and he was hurt, but knew he had to earn her forgiveness. Until earlier that night, he hadn't spoken to her since their fight the week before, and he knew he'd been horribly cold in the hospital wing earlier.

"I'm not in the mood to fight with you, Remus. I have no energy for it tonight."

"I'm not here to fight with you, Nymphadora," Remus replied calmly, "I'm here to tell you I love you."

Tonks looked at him hopefully, but he could see she was reluctant to believe him.

"I've been an idiot, I know that now. I've let my fears dictate my life, but I'm done with that now." He lowered himself to his knee and pulled the little black box out of his pocket. He saw the look of shock on her face, but continued on. "Nymphadora Tonks, I love you more than I thought it was possible to love anyone. You make me happier than I've ever been; I want to spend the rest of my life trying to make you as happy as you've made me. Will you marry me?" He took the ring out of the box and held it out to her.

She looked completely dazed, staring at him with her mouth hanging open. He wasn't sure if he should be amused or terrified. What if she said no? He hadn't even thought about it, but it was certainly a possibility after everything he'd put her through. His thoughts were interrupted as she stepped towards him.

Tonks held her left hand out to him and very quietly said, "Yes."

"Really?" Remus said, hardly letting himself believe it.

"Really," she replied with a smile.

Remus slipped the ring on her finger, stood up, and snatched her up in his arms, kissing her passionately. He pulled away and looked deep into her eyes.

"No more running," Tonks said.

"I promise," Remus said earnestly.

Tonks led him to her bedroom, they stripped off their outer clothing, and lay down in the bed together and slept.

The next morning, Remus awoke to the sunlight shining on his face. He blinked to adjust to the light and saw Tonks lying beside him, her hand hovering above her face, admiring her ring. He smiled and watched her for a few moments. She turned to him and saw him watching her. She flushed and rolled to him, pressing her body along the length of his.

Remus rolled her onto her back and kissed her softly, teasing her lips and mouth with his tongue. He gently sucked her lower lip before moving down to her neck. He brushed the thin straps of her tank top off her shoulders and kissed over her collar bone. She pulled her arms out of the straps and Remus pushed the tank top down to expose her perky breasts. He took one already hard nipple into his mouth and teased the other with his fingers, rolling, gently pinching and pulling it. He could hear Tonks' sighs of pleasure and it only aroused him more. He continued down her body, and he could feel her trembling as he kissed over her flat stomach.

When he reached her panties, rose up on his knees between her legs. She lifted up and he pulled her panties over her hips and down over her legs. He tossed them aside and nudged her thighs apart. He caressed her legs from her knees up to meet at her pussy. He rubbed his thumbs over her outer lips, then dipped one into her wet pussy. Tonks moaned softly and arched into him. He pulled his thumb out and brushed it over her lips. Her tongue snaked out and licked his thumb and he groaned as she sucked it clean.

Remus lay down between her legs and kissed all around her pussy, before slowly licking from the entrance of her pussy up to her clit. He felt Tonks run her hands through his hair, pulling him closer. He repeated the motion several times, enjoying hearing her moan, before focusing his attention on her clit. He licked in circles around the sweet little bud as Tonks' hips lifted off the bed, thrusting against his tongue. Her moans grew louder as he sucked her clit into his mouth, rubbing it with the flat of his tongue. She shuddered against him and cried out. Remus continued licking her through her orgasm until her tremors ceased and she pulled him up to her.

She kissed him and whispered, "I love you."

Remus grinned. "I love you, too."

Tonks reached up and ran her hands over his chest, then pushed his boxers down over his hips. He kicked them off, then Tonks slid one hand down to his hard cock. She guided him to her pussy. "Make love to me, Remus. I need you," she murmured.

Remus slowly entered her and moaned as her hot, wet pussy engulfed him. He moved slowly inside her, listening to her moan. He'd never felt anything so _right_. He'd been with several women in his life, but he had never felt such an intense connection with anyone. He kissed her deeply as he started thrusting faster. Tonks wrapped her legs around his waist and was clinging to his upper arms.

Her moans, her tight pussy around his cock, and her petite body beneath him were making him lose control. He slowed his thrusts and withdrew from her. He sat back and pulled her up to sit as well. He lifted her into his lap, settling her back onto his cock. She wrapped her legs around him once more and rocked back and forth against him. Her head fell back and she placed her hands back on her knees and he took one nipple into his mouth. He had one hand on her back, guiding her against him. The other hand drifted between them and he began to rub her clit with his thumb.

Tonks cried out when he made contact with her clit. She moved faster on his cock, gasping and moaning as he continued rubbing her clit and teasing her nipples with his mouth.

"Oh. Oh. Oh." Tonks moaned in the rhythm of her thrusts. "Remus, I'm so close!"

Remus rubbed her clit faster and bit down on her nipple. He was rewarded with a scream from Tonks and her pussy clenched tight around his cock. It was enough to send him over the edge as well. He thrust up into her one last time and came deep inside her. Tonks collapsed against him and they rested, wrapped around each other, for several minutes.

After recovering somewhat, Remus lifted Tonks off of him and laid down behind her on the bed. He curled his body around hers and breathed in her sweet, heady scent. He thought to himself that he would never grow tired of her. Tonks rolled over in his arms and kissed him softly.

"You are so wonderful," she murmured.

Remus smiled. "Well, who are you planning on running off and telling first?"

Tonks stuck her tongue out at him, but replied seriously. "My parents, of course." She looked at him anxiously.

Remus remembered their argument from the week before, but didn't want her to be afraid to talk about her family. "I'd like to come with you and meet them." Tonks beamed at him.

An hour later they were showered and dressed. They Apparated to Tonks' family's home. Remus took in the big house with the beautiful fields surrounding it. He gulped as he thought about his tiny cottage. He reminded himself that Tonks knew about all that, and wanted him anyway. She squeezed his hand and they walked to the front door.

Tonks knocked on the front door and called, "Mum, Dad, it's me!"

The door opened and they stepped inside. Remus blinked to adjust to the dim kitchen and heard a woman's voice.

"Nymphadora, we've been so worried. We heard about Dumbledore, what on earth happened? Oh!" She pulled up short when she spotted Remus. "Hello…"

"Mum, this is Remus Lupin. Remus, this is my mother, Andromeda," Tonks said, gesturing to him after embracing her mother briefly.

Remus saw a flicker of recognition on Andromeda's face when Tonks introduced him. He shook her hand. "It's really nice to meet you," he said quietly.

"Where's Dad?" Tonks asked her mother.

"He's upstairs in his study. Why don't you go get him and I'll get some tea for us."

Tonks squeezed Remus' hand and hurried upstairs.

Andromeda turned to the stove and set some water to boil. She spoke with her back to Remus, "How do you and Nymphadora know each other?"

"We met in the Order two years ago."

"You must have known my cousin, then."

"Sirius? Yes. He was one of my best friends from the time we started Hogwarts together. He always said you were his favorite cousin."

Andromeda turned around and opened her mouth to speak, but at that moment, Tonks came bouncing back into the room, followed closely by a short, round man. Tonks slipped her arm around Remus' waist and he wrapped his automatically around her shoulders. Remus saw Andromeda's eyes narrow slightly as she watched them.

"Dad, this is Remus."

"It's nice to meet you, sir," Remus said, shaking Tonks' father's hand.

"Call me Ted," he replied, then turned to Tonks. "So, Dora, you said you have something to tell us. What's going on?"

Tonks smiled up at Remus, then looked at her parents. "Mum. Dad. Remus and I are engaged." She held out her left hand, upon which the engagement ring Remus had given her sparkled as she wiggled her fingers.

If he weren't so nervous about the whole situation, Remus could have laughed at the looks on Tonks' parents' faces. They looked utterly bemused, as if they thought their daughter might be playing a prank on them.

"Well? Say something!" Tonks exclaimed.

"I – but – how?" Andromeda stuttered.

Ted cut in. "I think what your mother is trying to say is that we didn't even know you were involved with anyone. You've given us a bit of a shock."

Remus turned to Tonks. "Why don't I let you talk with your parents privately?"

"Remus, you don't have to go."

"I'll just have a walk outside while you talk," he said, and kissed her cheek. He slipped out the door and around the corner, then, feeling rather ashamed of himself, he pulled one of Fred and George's Extendable Ears out of his pocket. He threaded it out and under the door and popped the other end into his ear.

He heard Ted speaking, "Dora, you can't just announce that you're getting married and expect us to be over the moon for you! We've never even met the man before today. Why didn't you tell us you were seeing someone?"

"It's…complicated," Tonks said.

"Nymphadora, don't be evasive," said her mother, sounding exasperated.

"Mum, I'm not being evasive; it's personal and a very complicated situation."

"Darling, I know what he is, so you may as well just be honest with us."

"What are you two not telling me?" Ted asked, obviously confused.

Remus heard Andromeda say, "Remus is a werewolf."

In the pregnant silence that followed, Remus wondered if he'd done the right thing. How could he live with himself if Tonks' parents disowned her because of him?

"How did you know, Mum?"

"Sirius talked to me about his friends before I married your father and the family disowned me. I remember him mentioning that one of them was a werewolf. It obviously wasn't James Potter, and you mentioned Peter Pettigrew is a Death Eater, so it couldn't be him either. I put two and two together. The real question is why on earth did you get involved with a werewolf? I can only assume you didn't know about his…condition until after you were already involved."

"I knew from the day I met him," Tonks replied. "He wouldn't lie about it and fool me into getting involved with him. He's a good man and if you'd give him a chance, you'd see that. He loves me and I love him."

"I have no doubt he's a good man, if you love him so much, Dora," Ted said, "You've always been a good judge of character. I'm more concerned about your safety. He could be the nicest person in the world, but he still turns into a dangerous…creature once a month."

"He takes the Wolfsbane Potion, which makes him perfectly safe."

Hearing this reminded Remus that he would have to find another way to get the potion, now that Snape obviously wouldn't be brewing it for him any longer. The next words he heard snapped him back to the present.

"Well then, I'm happy for you sweetheart," Ted said.

"What about you, Mum? You married for love and your family disowned you. Would you really do the same thing to me?"

"Of course not!" Andromeda replied. "All I want is for you to be safe and happy. If Remus makes you happy, and you're sure that you're safe with him, then I'm happy for you."

Remus tugged on the Extendable Ear and quickly walked further from the house. He figured Tonks would come out to get him momentarily, and he didn't want her to know he'd been eavesdropping. He felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He was sure her parents weren't really thrilled about Tonks marrying him, but at least they wouldn't shun Tonks for it, and that's what really mattered to him.

He heard the door open and Tonks called his name. He jogged back around the house.

"Everything okay?" he asked.

"Everything's wonderful," she said, and kissed him. "Come back inside, my parents want to get to know you."

She took his hand and led him inside, and Remus felt that whatever obstacles they might have to face, they'd be fine since they'd do it together.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Some fluff, some action, some angst. Something for everyone in this chapter :-)**

* * *

Nymphadora Tonks stood before the mirror in her bedroom in her parents' house wearing a vintage, floor-length, cream sheath dress with a lace overlay. Around her neck was a strand of pearls her mother had given her. At her mother's request, she'd changed her hair from her favorite pink to a medium brown that fell down her back in soft curls. She was grateful her Metamorphosing powers had returned. She was sure it was her happiness with Remus that had brought them back.

Tonks had never been the kind of girl to get excited about weddings, and she'd refused to let her mother throw the massive wedding that Andromeda had suggested. Neither she nor Remus had wanted to wait; they'd done plenty of that already. Tonks laughed softly, remembering her mother's shock when they'd told her that the wedding would be less than two weeks after they got engaged. Andromeda had insisted on Tonks wearing a real wedding gown, and Tonks had to admit that the dress was lovely.

When she heard a familiar and unmistakable _clunk_, she didn't need to turn to know that Mad-Eye Moody stood in the open doorway.

"Your parents asked me to come up and check on you," he growled. "We're just waiting for you."

Without turning, she asked, "Is it wrong to feel happy when Dumbledore just died?"

"Of course not! Life's made up of the good and the bad. You can't have happiness without sorrow. Besides, Dumbledore would be thrilled," he said in his gruff voice.

Tonks turned and smiled her thanks.

"Now, let's get you married before you come to your senses and realize marriage is a terrible idea."

"Ever the charmer, you are, Mad-Eye," she replied, but took his arm and let him guide her downstairs.

Her parents were standing at the bottom of the stairs, both had tears in their eyes. Mad-Eye stumped off to join the few guests they'd invited outside.

"You look beautiful, Nymphadora," Andromeda said.

Her father seemed to be at a loss for words – a first, she was sure. He simply offered her his arm. Andromeda hurried out the door ahead of them, waving her wand to start the music. Tonks vaguely recognized Pachelbel's Canon in D, her favorite piece to play when she'd learned the violin as a child. She wondered if her mother had remembered it was her favorite, or if it was simply chosen because it was a traditional wedding song. She took a deep breath, nodded to her father, and they walked out the front door.

Tonks marveled at the beautiful job her mother and Molly Weasley had done. It was twilight, and they'd lit hundreds of candles to light Tonks' way to Remus, who stood beneath an archway made of white lilies, Tonks' favorite flower. Molly and Arthur Weasley, Kingsley Shacklebolt, Mad-Eye Moody, and Tonks' mother watched as she walked slowly down the candlelit path. When she reached Remus, everything seemed to fade away. She'd never seen him look so handsome. It wasn't the new dress robes or the haircut; it was the look of joy on his face and the loving, adoring way he was looking at her. She barely heard the official's sing-song voice. She automatically repeated her vows, only coming to herself once more when she heard him declare them bonded for life. She moved into Remus' arms and put all her joy and love into the kiss they shared.

They escaped a short while later to Remus' cottage – their cottage now.

Remus looked down at Tonks and said, "You look so beautiful. How did I get so lucky?"

Tonks just blushed and smiled. "I was wondering the same thing."

"What now, Mrs. Lupin?"

"I think I have a few ideas, Mr. Lupin."

They moved into the bedroom and made love slowly and tenderly.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Two weeks later, after countless hours of planning, the Order was ready to move Harry from his aunt and uncle's home. The original plan had been for Mad-Eye to take Harry by Side-Along Apparition, but when Thicknesse made it an imprisonable offense to connect Harry's house to the Floo Network, Apparate in or out, or place a Portkey there, they'd had to come up with a Plan B. They'd been at a loss until Mundungus suggested they use Polyjuice Potion, so it would appear there were several Harrys flying through the skies. Remus and Tonks had immediately volunteered to be protectors. They were preparing to meet the others at the Burrow when Remus pulled Tonks down to sit on the bed with him.

"We need to get going, Remus," Tonks said, but making no real effort to get up. She was hiding it well, but she was nervous.

Remus took her hands. "If anything happens to me-"

Tonks cut him off, "No, we're not doing this."

"Yes, we are. We have a good plan, but it'll still be dangerous, love. I need you to know that I've updated my will, everything will go to you. I know it's not much, but at least you'll have the cottage and the little money in my vault in Gringotts."

Tonks bit her lip, her eyes filling with tears at the thought of losing him. "Everything of mine will go to you, as well."

Remus sighed and pulled her into his arms. They sat there for a few minutes, arms wrapped around one another, before they stood and moved out the door. They paused in the living room to pick up their brooms, then walked outside.

Tonks turned to face Remus once more when they'd moved beyond the wards. "I love you, Remus."

Remus kissed her deeply. "I love you too, Nymphadora."

They grasped hands and Disapparated.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

They'd explained the plan to Harry and everyone had mounted their brooms, thestrals, and, in Harry and Hagrid's case, motorcycle.

"Hold tight now, Ron," Tonks said to Ron, the "Harry" she would be protecting. She saw Remus raise an eyebrow and smirk at her, and she rolled her eyes.

"Good luck, everyone. See you all in about an hour at the Burrow," Mad-Eye shouted above the roar of the motorcycle, "On the count of three. One…Two…THREE."

Tonks and Ron kicked off hard together and saw the others rising up around them. Tonks was hit with a sudden instinctual fear.

"Wand out, Ron," she said over her shoulder, pulling her own wand out at the same time.

Her fear was proven correct just moments later. They'd risen in the middle of a circle of at least thirty Death Eaters hovering on broomsticks. Tonks heard a scream and then saw flashes of red and green light. She'd fired a spell at the nearest Death Eater without even thinking, and heard Ron shout "_Stupefy"_ behind her. She rolled the broom and a spell narrowly missed her. She accelerated through the gap created when her spell knocked one of the Death Eaters off his broom. She turned when they were outside the circle to try to help the others and saw Remus fire a spell at a Death Eater who had just pointed his wand at her.

"Tonks, GO!" he shouted.

Tonks saw the others flying off it every direction and spun her broom around once more and flew off, Ron clinging tightly to her waist. She bent low over the broom, accelerating as quickly as possible towards Molly's Aunt Muriel's.

"Tonks! We've got company!" Ron shouted in her ear.

Tonks looked back over her shoulder and saw four Death Eaters following them. She felt Ron shifting behind her and he let go of her waist. She felt his back pressed against hers and heard him firing spells back at the Death Eaters. Suddenly, there was someone flying right next to her. She looked over and saw Rodolphus Lestrange with his wand pointed at her.

"_Impedimenta!_" she shrieked and saw him blasted sideways off his broom.

She heard a voice she knew belonged to Bellatrix scream, "_Avada Kedavra!" _and Tonks saw a beam of green light shoot past her. She could hear Ron shooting Stunning Spells back at the Death Eaters and she looked back in time to see him Stun one of the Death Eaters straight to the head.

"Good one, Ron!" she shouted.

They now had only Bellatrix and one other Death Eater following them. Another flash of green shot past Tonks as she looked down and saw that they were approaching Muriel's. She started the descent and could just make out Muriel's house below them. She heard another scream of "_Avada Kedavra_" but saw no flash of green. In panic, she turned to look at Ron, and saw that the Death Eaters were gone; they had crossed through the protective enchantments.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Much later that night, Tonks paced the floor of her and Remus' living room. Tears streamed down her face unchecked, she didn't bother to wipe them away. Mad-Eye had been her mentor; he'd trained her when she'd joined the Auror Department, and now Remus was out searching for his body. Molly had asked her if she wanted to stay and wait at the Burrow, but Fleur's fretting over Bill had been driving her mental, so she'd come back here. Not that the silence here was any better.

She was distracted momentarily by a wave of the nausea she'd been fighting – and hiding – for several days. She was almost positive she knew what was causing it. Combined with her tender breasts and the fact that her usually like-clockwork period was four days late, there was little doubt in her mind what was going on. She sipped on her ginger tea and wondered how to tell Remus.

The door burst open and Remus slammed it shut behind him. He ran his hands through his hair and looked around for her.

"Did – did you find…?" Tonks trailed off.

"No. We searched for hours and nothing. It makes me sick to know they got ahold of it," Remus said, disgusted.

"Maybe you missed it; it's the middle of the night."

"Bill saw it happen right after we broke out of the circle, so there wasn't too much ground to cover. We searched every square foot. The body's gone."

Another intense wave of nausea hit her, and she bolted to the bathroom. She barely made it to the toilet before she lost the meager dinner she'd forced herself to eat. Remus had come in after her and rubbed her back as she heaved. She stood up shakily and turned to the sink to splash water on her face. She gargled some mouthwash and could feel Remus watching her closely. She finally turned to him and his face was full of concern.

"I'm fine, Remus," she answered his unspoken question.

"How long have you been sick?" he asked.

"I'm not sick, I just…got sick." Tonks attempted a feeble joke to try to divert him.

"Dora, you have the strongest stomach of anyone I know, there's obviously something going on."

"It's really not a big deal, Remus."

Tonks moved past him toward the bedroom. She stripped off her sweater on the way and dropped it on the floor, something she knew irritated him but she couldn't bring herself to care. She flung her bra and jeans at the hamper in the corner of the bedroom, pulled one of his big T-shirts on over her head, and crawled into their bed. A few minutes later she heard the rustling of clothing as he came into the bedroom and stripped off his own clothes and felt him climb into bed beside her. He curled his body around hers and kissed her neck softly.

"What's going on, love?" he murmured.

Tonks sighed. "Please, Remus, I'm exhausted and I can't handle anything else tonight. Can you just let it go?"

Remus was silent for a moment, then murmured, "All right."

Tonks didn't allow herself to relax until she heard him snoring quietly.

The next morning, Tonks was out of bed and dressed before the sun came up. She grabbed some Muggle money, slipped out the door, and Apparated to the Muggle village a few miles away. She slipped into a shop.

Ten minutes later, she was home again with a small brown paper bag in her hand. She peeked into the bedroom to be sure Remus was still asleep, then went into the bathroom and locked the door behind her. She knew there was a spell to determine if she was pregnant, but she didn't know the incantation, and couldn't bring herself to ask her mother or Molly Weasley. She pulled the little stick out of the box and read the instructions. She followed the directions and waited three agonizing minutes. She paced the tiny bathroom, trying to wrap her head around the idea of having a baby. She'd never really thought about whether or not she wanted children, and the most she and Remus had discussed it was her confirming that she took a Contraceptive potion each month. While she was terrified, she couldn't deny she was thrilled by the idea at the same time. To have a baby with Remus, even with all the difficulties she knew they'd face, would be exciting and wonderful.

The three minutes had passed and Tonks turned to the little stick, actually hoping for a positive result. She looked down and a smile spread over her face. Two unmistakable pink lines. She vaguely heard Remus call her name, but couldn't bring herself to move. Her heart was racing and she couldn't wipe the excited smile from her face. There was a sharp knock on the bathroom door.

"Dora, love, are you all right?"

Tonks opened the door. "I'm fine."

"Are you going to tell me what's going on with you now?"

Tonks took his hands and looked up into his prematurely lined, but still handsome face and gave him the news. "I'm pregnant, Remus."


	11. Chapter 11

"I'm pregnant, Remus," Tonks said, looking happy and nervous at the same time.

"You're what?" Remus felt a knot tighten in his stomach.

"Pregnant."

"But – but how?"

"Well, the Contraceptive potion doesn't always work. I'm nearly a week late, I've been nauseous, and my breasts are tender. I took a Muggle pregnancy test and it says I'm pregnant."

Remus couldn't think of a thing to say. He walked to the couch and sat down with his head in his hands. A part of him was thrilled, he'd always wanted to be a father, and Tonks would be an incredible mother. But what if the baby was like him? What had he done? How could he have risked passing this horrendous condition on to an innocent child? Even if the baby wasn't like him, Tonks and the baby would be shunned, just like he'd been his whole life. They deserved so much better than that.

"I – I know we didn't plan this, but – I mean – I want this baby, Remus. I want to have our baby. We'll be fine. You'll be a wonderful father."

Tonks sounded happy, excited almost. Remus felt sick. They were here, he couldn't change it, and he couldn't ruin this for her. He plastered the most convincing smile he could manage and stood up to embrace her.

"That's great, Dora."

XXXXXXXXXXXX

After the Death Eaters finally finished searching the Burrow and interrogating the few who'd remained after Kingsley's warning, Remus went home to his cottage. Tonks had gone to check on her parents, and Remus he was glad for some time alone to think. After Tonks had resigned from the Auror Department on Monday, a necessity since she was pregnant, Remus had had no time alone to work out his feelings about the baby. He'd been trying to pretend he was happy about it, but he couldn't help feeling that this baby would either be a werewolf like him, or would be eternally shamed for having a werewolf for a father.

Now that the Ministry had fallen, Remus knew he had to do something. He'd seen Harry, Ron, and Hermione Disapparate from the wedding together, and he knew they'd left on whatever mission it was that Dumbledore had left them. The Order had discussed it at length, but no one had any idea what Dumbledore could have left to three seventeen-year-olds rather than a fully qualified member of the Order. They needed help, but they wouldn't tell anyone what they were going to do. Remus respected that they were following Dumbledore's orders, but he couldn't let them go off to fight some unknown dark magic on their own. He planned to find them and offer his help. Tonks would be better off without him anyways. She'd only be targeted if he stayed around.

He'd made up his mind and was packing a small rucksack with some clothes when he heard Tonks.

"They tortured them!" she shouted from the living room.

Remus hurried to finish his packing.

"What are you doing?" she asked when she came into the bedroom.

Remus couldn't look at her. He knew he'd change his mind if he looked at her.

"I'm going to find Harry and help them if they'll let me," he said with his back to her.

"But –"

"You should go stay with your parents. The Order will set up the protective enchantments again, you'll be safe there," he interrupted tersely.

"This isn't about wanting to help Harry, is it?"

"What are you talking about? Of course it is. He needs help and I'm the best one to do it."

"Do you really think I'm that thick? Don't think I haven't noticed how you can barely look at me anymore. How you cringe when I talk about the baby. How you haven't touched me since I told you I'm pregnant. I see right through your fake happy act. I thought you'd get over it after a few days, but apparently you've just been waiting for the right time to leave."

Remus could hear how angry she was and turned around, but focused on the wall behind her.

"This isn't about…that," he said weakly.

"You looked me in the eye and said you wanted to spend your life trying to make me happy. You took my hand and swore you'd love me forever. You promised me you wouldn't run away from us again."

Remus' heart wrenched in his chest, but his mind was made up.

"You'll be better off without me," he said coldly, "I have to go."

He swept past her, still not allowing himself to look at her, and hurried out the door. He heard her sobbing his name from the cottage as he hurried to the end of the drive and Disapparated.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Remus couldn't remember a time when he'd felt more ashamed. He sat in a Muggle pub, ignoring the stares he was receiving from the other patrons, presumable due to his attire. He threw back his second drink and gestured to the bartender for a refill. He sipped this one more slowly as he pondered what Harry had said to him. His anger at Harry calling him a coward had faded quickly, and he added attacking Harry to his list of things to be ashamed of. The fact of the matter was Harry was absolutely right. Remus had abandoned his wife and unborn child to run off with the three of them. The idea of an adventure had excited him, and he had been using it as an excuse to escape his fear regarding Tonks' pregnancy.

He thought about what James and Sirius would say to him if they could see him now. James would be utterly disgusted that Remus had used James' son as an excuse to run away from his responsibilities, and Sirius would probably do away with words all together and kick his sorry ass. He had to make it right somehow.

"What do I do?" he murmured aloud.

He paid his tab and snuck behind the pub to Disapparate home to his and Tonks' cottage in Woodbridge. He wasn't surprised to find Tonks was not there. He went to bed, planning to find a way to win her back in the morning.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

The next day, Remus went to Tonks' parents' house first, hoping she'd gone there after he left, and also to check to see how they were doing after their encounter with the Death Eaters. He knocked on the door and was not surprised when Andromeda had her wand out even after his answering her security question.

"Andromeda, how are you? And Ted?"

"We're doing all right, Remus. What brings you here? Is Nymphadora okay?"

"Oh, she's fine as far as I know."

"As far as you know?"

"We had a little…disagreement, and I thought she might be here?"

"No, we haven't seen her since the day after…" she trailed off. "She came by with Bill Weasley and Kingsley Shacklebolt to set up our protective enchantments again. She left shortly after that, I assumed she was going back home."

"Well, I'm sure she's fine."

"Would you let me know when you find her?"

"Of course. Thank you, Andromeda."

"Goodbye Remus."

Remus walked out past the wards, wondering where to look for Tonks next. He hadn't let Andromeda know, but he was worried. He tried to think of where else she might go, and it hit him – the Burrow. He Apparated there and knocked on the door. While he waited, he looked around. Everything seemed back to normal after the chaos of the wedding and what happened after.

"Who's there?" Molly Weasley called through the door.

"It's me, Remus."

"What were your last words to me?"

"'We have to trust Harry, he knows what he's doing.'" Remus cringed, remembering his and Harry's fight the night before.

The door opened, but Molly didn't greet him with her usual smile. She gestured him in, then glared at him.

"What can I do for you, Remus?"

Remus was a bit taken aback. "I'm looking for Dora, do you know where she is?"

"Yes."

Remus had a sinking feeling that Molly knew everything. "Is she here?"

"Even if she is, you're not going to see her."

"What?"

"She doesn't want to see you, Remus. She's very angry and upset, and rightfully so. What were you thinking?" Molly smacked his arm. "What is wrong with you?"

"I know I've been a fool, but I'd like to explain myself to my wife, first."

"Remus, I like you, I do, but I have half a mind to hex you here and now."

"And I'd deserve it. Truly, Molly, I couldn't possibly feel more ashamed of myself. I let my fears take over and thought only of myself. I know I don't deserve Dora's forgiveness, but I'm going to do whatever I can to try to earn it anyway," Remus spoke earnestly.

"At least you know you don't deserve to be forgiven." Remus and Molly jumped at the voice; neither of them had noticed Tonks standing in the doorway to the sitting room.

"I'll leave you two alone to talk," Molly said and hurried upstairs.

Tonks waited until Molly was out of range and turned on Remus. "What are you doing here, Remus?"

"Dora, I'm your husband. I know I hurt you, and I can't tell you how sorry I am. I was terrified. I should have talked to you about it, but I didn't want to ruin your excitement." Remus ran his hands through his hair. "I love you and I love our baby. Please give me a chance to make it up to you."

"No. I've listened to your excuses for the past year and I'm sick of it. I thought we were past all that. How can I believe you now, when you've broken all the promises you made me?" Remus' heart ached not only at her words, but at how crushed she sounded.

"What can I do to show you I won't hurt you again?" Remus pleaded.

"I don't know, Remus. I don't know if you can fix it this time. You should go."

Remus' eyes filled with tears as she turned away from him. He waited a moment, then walked out the door and Apparated home to his cottage that had never felt emptier.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: I'm so sorry for the long wait. This was a difficult chapter to write - I have 3 different versions saved and countless more that I started and discarded. On top of that, I've been sick, which made writing tough. To make up for it, there's a nice long double lemon at the end of the chapter. Enjoy and review please!**

* * *

Tonks sat in the orchard beside the Burrow and unfolded the letter Remus had left for her earlier that day. He'd stopped by every day for the past month, but she'd refused to speak to him every time. He seemed unwilling to give up, despite Tonks' apparent apathy. Inside, Tonks was more conflicted than she had ever been in her life. She missed Remus more than she wanted to admit, but she was still furious with him for leaving. She couldn't seem to get past her anger, and until she managed that, she didn't want to see him. She had contemplated simply throwing the letter in the fire, but that felt dishonest. She sighed as she settled in to read.

_Dora,_

_Firstly, let me tell you again how deeply sorry I am. I know I hurt you, and I can't tell you how much I hate myself for that. I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I will never stop begging for it. I have no excuses for my behavior, but I'd like you to know why I left._

_Quite simply, it was fear. I never intended to have a family – not because I didn't want one, but because of my fear of endangering those I love. When you entered my life, you awoke in me a desire for things I convinced myself long ago that I could never have. The time I've spent with you has been some of the happiest of my life – it's certainly the happiest I've been in my adult life. You've helped me believe that my life can be more than the sad existence it has been. And yet, when you told me about the baby, all of my fears came flooding back. What if I bite the child? Will my child hate and resent me for the way society will treat him because I am a werewolf? What if the baby is born a werewolf like me? All my fears made me blind to the beauty of what we've created – a piece of you and me, and how could any child of yours be anything other than sweet and good and beautiful?_

_In my fear and in my hatred of myself for what I'd done to you and the baby, I convinced myself that you would both be better off without me. I left, believing that you would be happier without the burden of my condition on you. I am not proud to admit that it was Harry who made me see what a coward I was being. My absence would not ease the burden you have to carry; it would only leave you both unprotected. I have never been more ashamed of myself and I know I'll never forgive myself for what I've done to you. _

_You deserve so much more than what I've given you. I can only think back to our wedding vows. I pledged to love you for eternity. I broke that vow, but I swear to you, I never will again. Even if you never forgive me, you will forever have my heart, and I will spend the rest of my days finding a way to keep you and our child safe._

_All my love,_

_Remus_

Tonks' eyes filled with tears as she read. She'd never considered that he might be afraid for the baby. She'd just assumed he didn't want a baby and that he was angry with her for getting pregnant. She cursed herself for not giving him a chance to express his fears about the baby before now. Her hand went to her belly as a shot of fear went through her. What if the baby was a werewolf? She'd never considered the possibility. Was lycanthropy genetic? She'd love her baby no matter what, but she couldn't deny it was a legitimate fear for Remus to have. She wanted to roll her eyes at his fears of the way society would treat her and their baby, but she ever had to admit that there had been a change for her at work, before she'd resigned. Many of her coworkers had suddenly turned very cold when her marriage to Remus became public knowledge. She didn't particularly care, but she could see how Remus would hate to see his child treated that way. And she knew he was sincere in what he wrote about his love for her. She jumped up suddenly and ran toward the house.

"Molly!" she yelled when she entered the kitchen.

Molly raced in. "What is it? What's wrong?"

"I have to go."

"Go? Go where?"

"Home."

Molly smiled and pulled Tonks into a hug. When she stepped back, Tonks could see in Molly's face that no more explanation was needed. She ran upstairs, threw her things together and was back in the kitchen minutes later. She hugged Molly once more.

"Thank you so much, Molly, for everything. I can never repay you."

"Nonsense. You are welcome here anytime, both of you. You're family – blood or not."

Tonks blinked back tears again. She bid Molly goodbye and hurried out past the wards and Apparated to the little cottage she'd left in such a rage a month before. Seeing it slowed her down. She walked carefully up the drive, suddenly nervous about seeing Remus. When she reached the door, she paused, then quietly eased it open. She looked around for Remus, and saw him asleep on the couch, a book open on his chest. She smiled fondly at him and her heart twisted when she saw he'd been reading a book on pregnancy and "baby's first year." It was time to put her anger and hurt behind her. She silently put her bag down and walking as quietly as she could, rounded the couch and carefully removed the book from his chest. She perched on the edge of the couch and brushed a stray hair out of his face. She leaned down to kiss him and felt him stir. She sat up as he blinked his eyes.

"Dora," Remus said sleepily, a smile on his face. Then his eyes popped open and he bolted upright. "Dora! You're home! Are you alright? Is the baby - ?"

She cut him off, "The baby and I are both fine. I read your letter."

He relaxed slightly but she could see the concern on his face. "Dora, I'm so sorry. I –"

Tonks placed a finger against his lips. "Stop. You've apologized enough. I'm sorry I didn't give you a chance to explain sooner. I want to put it behind us and move forward. Can we do that?"

Remus nodded and Tonks moved her hand to caress his cheek. Remus closed his eyes at the touch.

"I've missed you so much, Dora," he said. "It's been like a piece of me was missing."

"I missed you too," Tonks said quietly and leaned in to kiss him once more.

* * *

Several days later, Tonks was in the kitchen, working feverishly with her cauldron on the stove. She glanced down at her potion book, searched the cabinets, and cursed.

She hesitated a moment before calling, "Remus, I need your help!"

Remus walked into the kitchen. "Do I get to know what you're making now? Wait, you're brewing a potion?"

"Yes, go to the Burrow and ask Molly if I can borrow some spine of lionfish."

"What are you brewing?"

"Go quick; if I don't add it soon it'll be ruined!"

Remus rolled his eyes, but hurried out of the kitchen. A few minutes later he returned with a bottle of spine of lionfish.

"Thank God!" Tonks snatched it out of his hand.

She added three spines to the potion and lowered the temperature on the stove. She sighed with satisfaction as the potion turned a very pale blue. She could relax for a half hour while the potion simmered. She set a timer for thirty minutes and looked up to see Remus watching her intently.

"Are you going to tell me what you're brewing now?" he asked.

"It was supposed to be a surprise," she said quietly.

Remus' eyes widened with understanding. "Are you brewing Wolfsbane for me?"

"I'm trying at any rate. I wanted to surprise you with it later, but I guess I didn't check for all the ingredients before I started." Tonks was annoyed she'd ruined the surprise.

"Dora, you don't have to do that," Remus said.

"Well I want to. You've had to suffer through your transformation every month since Snape…" she trailed off. "I'm rather good at potions, I got an 'O' in my N.E.W.T. I've just never brewed Wolfsbane before, and I didn't want you to know about it in case I ruined it. And I'll need to be able to make it if-" She stopped abruptly and turned pink.

"If the baby is a werewolf," Remus finished for her quietly.

Tonks couldn't bring herself to look him in the eye. Things between them had been very normal for several days, but they hadn't discussed the contents of Remus' letter since she'd been home.

"I wasn't trying to scare you when I wrote that letter, but you deserved to know that it's a possibility," Remus said.

"I know. I'm not scared; I just want to be prepared," Tonks replied, still looking away.

Remus crossed the small kitchen and tipped her chin up to look at him. "It's okay to be scared, love. I am." He placed a hand on her belly. "But we'll love him no matter what comes."

Tonks smiled up at him, blinking away the tears in her eyes. "Him?"

"Or her. It doesn't matter to me." He leaned down and kissed her sweetly.

Remus stayed in the kitchen with her as she finished preparing the potion, and swallowed down a gobletful. The full moon was only a week away and he needed to drink a dose each night that week for it to allow him to keep his mind when he transformed.

* * *

Three days later, Remus was cooking dinner, when Tonks snuck in with him. She watched him cook for a few minutes, thinking about how sexy he looked, before she decided to distract him. She cleared her throat to get his attention, and when he turned to her, she reached over and turned off the stove.

Tonks placed her hands behind Remus' neck and pulled him down for a kiss. She molded her body against his and teased his lips with her tongue. He parted his lips and Tonks moaned softly as their kiss deepened. She'd been hinting for days that she wanted more than the chaste kisses he'd been giving her, but hadn't wanted to disturb the peace they'd found with an argument. She knew she was short on time, but didn't want to waste an opportunity when it was handed to her.

She swiftly unbuttoned Remus' shirt and ran her hands over his chest, grazing him lightly with her nails. Remus groaned softly against her lips. Never taking her lips from his, she pushed his shirt down off his arms, leaving him naked from the waist up. Suddenly, Remus lifted her up and spun them around, sitting Tonks on the empty countertop. In one quick movement, she stripped off her loose t-shirt. Remus ran his hands up her torso to cup her breasts which had gotten quite a bit fuller. She sighed as he rubbed his thumbs over her hardened nipples and dipped his head to kiss her neck. She briefly mused that she was taking advantage of his diminished control over himself due to the full moon approaching, but all thoughts of guilt over this vanished as he pulled her bra cup aside and sucked on her nipple. She reached out and unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans and shoved them down over his hips along with his boxers as he bit down lightly on her nipple. Her jeans and panties quickly followed his and she gasped when Remus roughly slipped two fingers into her pussy without preamble.

Tonks marveled at how wet she was as Remus fingered her. She felt suddenly empty when Remus pulled his fingers out of her. She watched him as he licked her juices from his fingers, then bent down to lick her pussy once from her entrance to her clit. Before she could do more than moan, he was standing before her again, the tip of his cock pressed against her entrance. He captured her mouth once more and entered her, not slowly and gently as she was used to, but all at once, slamming deep into her with one thrust. Tonks cried out as he filled her and Remus growled against her neck. He pounded into her hard, while lightly biting her ear, neck, and shoulders. Tonks' cries and moans filled the small kitchen. She could feel herself starting to get close to an orgasm when Remus thrust into her with a yell and she could feel him coming inside her.

He rested his forehead on her shoulder and Tonks could hear him panting, could feel his breath on her skin. She was still incredibly aroused and squeezed her muscles around his still-hard cock inside her, eliciting a groan from him. After a minute, Remus seemed to regain his ability to think, he pulled away from her and she was confused by the look of horror on his face as he looked down at her.

"Fuck. I'm so sorry, Dora," he said.

Tonks rolled her eyes. "I wanted it, in case you didn't notice."

"I didn't even think, I totally lost control of myself…"

Tonks cupped his face in her hands and made him look at her. "I liked it, Remus."

"But I could've hurt you or – Oh God! The baby!"

"The baby is fine, and so am I. Sex won't hurt the baby. And you have never once hurt me, so stop beating yourself up."

Remus sighed. Tonks pulled him in for a kiss and felt Remus' hands on her naked back. She moaned softly at the contact, still feeling very aroused.

"You didn't come yet," Remus murmured, reading her mind.

"You can make it up to me later. I'm starving. I'm going to take a shower while you finish making dinner."

She hopped down of the counter and gave him one last lingering kiss. She sauntered out of the kitchen and into the bathroom. She turned on the shower and stood under the hot water and tried to resist the urge to touch herself. She knew it would be that much better if she waited until later. She quickly washed herself and turned the water off. She dried off and got dressed and came out of the bedroom just as Remus was putting dinner on the table. They ate quickly and Tonks offered to clean up. She put aside her wand and decided to wash the dishes by hand – she had come to enjoy the peaceful monotony of it. As she was toweling off the last pan, Remus came into the kitchen behind her and wrapped his arms around her.

"I was wondering what was taking you so long in here," he said as he leaned down to kiss her neck.

"It's calming to do it by hand instead of magic," she said defensively.

"I know, love, I'm teasing."

Tonks shivered feeling his breath against her neck. She put the pan away and dropped her towel. She closed her eyes and savored the feeling of his lips on her neck.

"Ready to come to bed?" he asked.

"Absolutely."

Remus led her to the bedroom and pulled her down on the bed with him. He kissed her passionately with one hand in her hair, the other at her waist. Tonks sighed as he kissed down to her neck again and gently sucked on the sensitive spot where her neck met her shoulder. He tugged on her shirt and she quickly pulled it off over her head and unfastened her bra and tossed both items to the floor. Tonks lay back once more and Remus' hands and mouth were everywhere – caressing her breasts, stroking her belly, kissing her shoulders, sucking her hard, sensitive nipples. Tonks felt delirious with desire when his fingers finally moved over the waistband of her jeans. He swiftly pulled her jeans and panties down off her legs and they joined her other clothes on the floor.

Tonks tugged at Remus' shirt and he stripped it off before caressing her smooth, bare legs. His hand slid up her thigh and just brushed her pussy with his knuckles and Tonks gasped. Remus smiled down at her and repeated the motion on the other leg. Tonks whimpered and Remus finally took pity on her. His fingers traced her outer lips, then slid one finger into her pussy. Tonks couldn't control the loud moan that escaped from her.

"You are so wet," Remus murmured, adding a second finger.

He moved his thumb over her clit and Tonks arched up and groaned. His fingers curled inside her, rubbing against her g-spot and she shuddered. He kissed her as he fingered her and she gripped his hair, pulling it as she came on his hand. She was still gasping for breath as her body relaxed. She'd been waiting for her release for so long, the tremors washed over her for several minutes.

"Remus," she moaned softly.

"Tell me what you want, love."

"I need you inside me."

He moved quickly to comply, stripping off his pants and boxers. He moved between her legs and she felt his big cock pressed against her pussy. He entered her slowly and they sighed in unison. They'd been so hurried before, Tonks hadn't been able to savor the feeling of being so full of him. She'd missed how he stretched her like no one else ever had. Remus pulled her legs up so her ankles rested on his shoulders, bending her almost in half. She moaned at the new sensation this angle brought. He was even deeper inside her, and his cock rubbed her g-spot with each stroke. He thrust into her faster and her hands knotted in the blankets under her.

"Remus, I'm so close. Don't stop," she gasped.

He fucked her through her orgasm and let her legs drop. Tonks could see the determination in his face and she pulled him down to kiss her.

"You feel so amazing," he said huskily, "You're so fucking tight."

Tonks bit her lip. She loved it when he talked to her like that. She caught Remus by surprise when she rolled them over. She linked her fingers with his and started moving on him, lifting up and sitting back down on his cock. She knew he loved watching her move on him. He let go of her hands and moved his to touch her. He pulled her down and captured a nipple in his mouth as her breasts dangled over his face. Tonks moved faster on his cock, desperately needing another orgasm. Remus seemed to sense this and moved his hand to rub her clit as she rode him. She became so aroused that she couldn't maintain a rhythm. Remus stilled her and thrust up into her, driving them both over the edge. She felt him come deep inside her and in the same instant her pussy contracted around him. She screamed his name as she came hard once more.

She collapsed on top of him, her face resting against his heaving chest. She rolled to the side and Remus wrapped his arms around her.

"I love you, Remus," she whispered.

"I love you too," he replied, still breathless.


	13. Chapter 13

Remus was lying on the couch in the living room, his book lying open on his chest. He'd grown bored of it quickly, and had gotten lost in a daydream instead. He was startled out of his reverie by a swift, loud knock on the door. He leapt to his feet and heard a shriek and the clanging of a pot falling to the floor. He was at the front door in an instant.

"Who's there?" he said loudly.

In response, he heard Kingsley Shacklebolt's deep voice. "It is I, Kingsley."

Before Remus could ask, Kingsley continued with the answer to their security question. Remus opened the door.

"Come in, Kingsley," Remus said, beckoning him in.

"What's going on, Kingsley?" Tonks asked from the doorway to the kitchen. She was covered from chest to knees in what appeared to be marinara sauce.

"Can't a man pay a social visit?" Kingsley asked with a half-smile.

"No," Tonks replied bluntly, "Not these days anyway."

Kingsley sighed. "You should sit down."

"I don't need to sit down, Kingsley. Whatever it is, just tell me," she said impatiently. She walked across the room to them, and seemed to suddenly realize she was still covered in sauce. "_Scourgify,"_ she muttered, pointing her wand at her front, and the sauce vanished.

Kingsley rubbed a hand over his bald head. "I was talking to Yaxley earlier – he said that they are going to be moving on the Muggle-borns who didn't register with the Muggle-born Registration Commission."

"Dad," Tonks said. She turned to Remus. "We have to warn him."

"We'll go now," Remus replied, grabbing their cloaks from the hook by the door. Tonks grabbed hers from him and was out the door in an instant. Remus turned to Kingsley once more. "Thanks for letting us know, Kingsley."

"Of course. Let me know if there's anything I can do."

Remus nodded and hurried out the door after Tonks, who was already halfway down the drive. He caught up to her and they Apparated to her parents' house together.

Tonks knocked on the door and shouted, "Mum, Dad, it's me!"

Remus was relieved to hear Andromeda ask their security question before letting them in. It had taken awhile for her and Ted to get used to asking security questions of their own daughter. Tonks answered, sounding exasperated, and Andromeda opened the door.

"Remus, Nymphadora, what's wrong?" Andromeda asked.

"Where's Dad?" Tonks asked tersely.

"I'm right here," Ted said from the doorway, "What's going on?"

Tonks seemed to suddenly be at a loss for words. She looked pleadingly at Remus. He squeezed her hand and turned to her father.

"We've just found out that the Ministry is going to be going after the Muggle-borns who didn't register. You need to decide what you're going to do. The protections we've placed around your house won't keep the Death Eaters out, not if they come with all the force of the Ministry."

Ted was silent for a moment, then replied, "I've got to go on the run then."

Andromeda had gone white, but said, "We'll go together."

"No, 'Dromeda, you'll be safe, you're pureblood."

"None of us is safe! You can't go alone!" Andromeda cried.

"You'll be a lot safer here than on the run with me. Besides, Dora needs you," Ted replied calmly.

This seemed to convince Andromeda and she nodded. Tonks' eyes filled with tears. Remus wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close to him.

"If you're going, it needs to be as soon as possible. What can we do to help you prepare?" Remus said.

Ted hesitated for a moment, then said, "I've got an old tent up in the attic, and some sleeping bags, too. Can the two of you teach me some protective charms?"

Andromeda was spurred into action as well. "I'll gather some food for you to take."

Remus helped Ted find the things he'd need for camping, then he and Tonks taught him all the protective enchantments and Muggle-repelling charms they knew. Andromeda worked in the kitchen, preparing food and enchanting it to keep. They decided that Ted would leave first thing in the morning, stop at Remus and Tonks' cottage briefly to give the Death Eaters another step to follow if they decided to chase him. Tonks tearfully embraced each of her parents and promised her mother she'd stop by the next day. Remus shook hands with Ted and was surprised when Andromeda pulled him into a hug – he was on good terms with Tonks' parents, but he'd never been hugged by either of them. They said goodnight and left.

Remus was up early the next morning. He left Tonks in bed, she'd hardly slept and waiting anxiously for her father wouldn't do her any good. He went to the kitchen and fixed some eggs, sausage, and toast. He went back to the living room when he heard a soft knock on the door. After the security question had been asked and answered, Remus let Ted in.

"I made some breakfast, if you're hungry," Remus said.

"Andromeda force-fed me a massive breakfast already, but I'd love some tea," Ted replied and followed Remus into the kitchen. "How's Dora doing?"

"She's hanging in there. She knew this would be coming eventually, but it's tough for her to know you're in danger and not be able to do anything about it. And the pregnancy hormones certainly don't help anything. She couldn't sleep last night, so I let her sleep. I'll go wake her now," Remus said as he put the kettle on the stove to boil.

He walked to the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed next to Tonks and gently shook her shoulder.

"Wake up, love. Your father's here."

Dora woke with a start and practically jumped out of bed. She quickly pulled on some clothes and rushed out to see her father. She walked straight into his arms. Ted patted her gently on the back.

"I'll be fine, sweetheart. You're not the only one in the family who likes a bit of adventure, you know," he joked.

"I just wish we could find another way," Tonks said quietly.

"I know, Dora, but there isn't any other way, not without endangering far more people, and I won't do that. Now, stop worrying about me. You need to take care of my grandbaby," Ted replied.

Tonks gave a weak smile and nodded.

"Now, I should get going. Who knows when they'll start looking for me, I don't want you two to get in trouble as well," Ted said.

He gave Tonks one more long hug and Remus could see the effort she was making to keep her tears at bay for her father's sake. Ted turned to Remus and shook his hand once more.

"Look after her, son."

"I will, I promise. Good luck."

Ted smiled grimly, picked up his bag, and walked out. Tonks and Remus watched him walk down the drive and could just hear the faint "pop" as he vanished. Tonks turned away and walked back to the bedroom. Remus followed her silently and watched as she curled up on the bed and wept. He climbed into bed behind her and held her as she sobbed. He knew there were no words that could ease her heartache.

* * *

A month later, Remus woke up in the very early hours of the morning and found the bed empty and cold next to him. He felt a moment of panic, but told himself to not jump to conclusions. He rolled out of bed and pulled a t-shirt on. It had grown quite cold, but he hadn't yet changed his habit of sleeping shirtless. He walked out into the living room and could see Tonks sitting on the couch by the flickering glow of the fire. She looked up when he came into the room and gave him a half-smile. Remus sat next to her on the couch and she nestled against him, resting her head in the nook between his shoulder and his neck.

"Couldn't sleep?" he asked.

She shook her head. "I was just thinking about Dad."

Remus nodded. "I'm sure he's doing okay, love. Your mum would've been notified if he'd been caught."

"I know. I'm just worried about him. It's so cold already and he'll have gone through the food Mum sent him with by now."

"He's a smart man and a good wizard, Dora. I'm sure he's found ways to keep warm and find something to eat. If there was anything I could do for him, you know I'd do it, but I'm afraid he's on his own at this point," Remus sighed.

He wanted nothing more than to make her happy, but he couldn't ease her fears for her father, especially since they were entirely legitimate. He was in very real danger, and there was nothing any of them could do to help him. All they could do was wait and hope. Remus gazed into the fire, lost in his thoughts. He wondered if they'd ever be safe again. He thought of Harry, Ron, and Hermione and hoped they, too, were warm and not hungry. His thoughts turned to the last time he saw them and his heart wrenched in his chest. He'd never forgive himself if his last words to Harry were angry ones.

Remus looked down and saw that Tonks had fallen asleep against him, and he shifted slightly to get more comfortable, and let himself fall asleep as well.


	14. Chapter 14

Tonks stood outside and looked up at the snow drifting down slowly from the sky. She opened her mouth to catch a snowflake on her tongue, allowing herself a moment of innocence. Remus was at Lee Jordan's with Kingsley, preparing for another broadcast of _Potterwatch,_ Lee's radio program. Tonks glanced at her watch and saw that it was time to tune in. The snow was so beautiful in the dark that she grabbed the wireless and a thick blanket and sat outside to listen. She tapped the wireless with her wand and muttered, "Prongs." The wireless crackled and she heard Lee's voice announcing the latest casualties of the war. She's already heard about them all at the Order of the Phoenix meeting the night before, so she tuned Lee's voice out and gazed out into the darkness.

Suddenly she heard a distinct 'pop' and saw a figure appear at the end of the drive. Tonks squinted and watched the tall figure turn this way and that, apparently looking for something. She pulled out her wand and silenced the radio. A friend would have come to the house, but her instincts told her that this was no Death Eater either. For one thing, a Death Eater would never have come alone. She took a deep breath and placed her hand on her rounded belly. She knew Remus wouldn't approve of her confronting this mysterious person, but she knew she had to find out who it was. She transformed herself into a much taller woman than her natural short stature, changed her hair from her favorite pink to a more severe black, and made minor changes to her face to conceal her identity. She moved as quickly as she could, her lit wand held out in front of her. She drew her cloak around her in an attempt to conceal her pregnancy, and stepped bravely over the invisible barrier.

Tonks silently disarmed the stranger and caught his wand in her free hand, keeping her own wand pointed at his chest. He whipped around in shock and fear.

"Don't move," she said in a harsh voice. "Who are you?"

"My-my name is Graham Toulson."

Tonks was surprised to hear how young his voice sounded. She pointed her wand at his face and could see that he was quite young. She thought he couldn't be more than seventeen, but she didn't allow this to relax. "And what are you doing here, Graham Toulson?"

"Please, I'm looking for Remus Lupin. He gave me this address to come to if I ever needed help. Or I thought this was the address," Graham said, looking around him once more.

Tonks hoped the shock didn't show on her face. She pursed her lips. She didn't know what to make of the boy, she felt certain Remus had never mentioned him, but there were plenty of things he didn't talk to her about. She silently cast a talking Patronus and sent it to Remus, letting him know there was someone there claiming to know him and asking him to come home at once. She was satisfied to see Graham jump back at the sight of her werewolf Patronus bounding out of sight.

"What the hell was that?" he yelped.

"That," she replied, "was a Patronus." She felt no need to elaborate.

They stood in silence for several minutes, Graham eyeing her fearfully as her wand was still pointed at his chest. No more than three minutes had passed before Tonks heard another 'pop' and saw Remus appear just a few feet away. He spun around and saw the two of them. His own wand was instantly pointed at Graham. Tonks saw Graham's face fall when Remus spoke.

"Who are you?" Remus snarled.

"Mr. Lupin – er – Remus, we met last March, right after I'd been bitten. You helped me through my first transformation," Graham said anxiously.

Remus' jaw dropped. "Graham?"

Relief flashed over Graham's face. "Yes."

Tonks watched in bewilderment as Remus embraced the boy. She cleared her throat and Remus turned to her.

"He's a friend from when I was underground, Dora," Remus explained. "Let's go inside and we can talk more."

Tonks raised her eyebrows in surprise as Remus' words. She wasn't terribly comfortable inviting a stranger into their home, but she didn't argue with Remus. She transformed back to her usual self and was gratified to see Graham's shock. It gave her a sense of having a least some control over the situation. She walked briskly back to the cottage, feeling the chill now that the adrenaline was leaving her body. She went directly to the kitchen and returned to the living room with a tray of tea and some cookies she'd baked earlier. Graham was standing awkwardly in the living room, and in the better light, Tonks could see how shabby his clothes were, much like how Remus looked before they'd married. He'd been talking to Remus, but quieted when she entered the room. She watched as he looked awkwardly from Tonks to Remus.

"I'll let you two talk," she said, knowing the boy would be more likely to open up to Remus if she wasn't listening. She picked up a cookie and one of the cups of tea and went into the bedroom, shutting the door behind her. She didn't bother eavesdropping; she knew Remus would tell her what Graham said. She settled into bed with her tea and a book. She drifted off to sleep after several minutes; her energy ran out quickly thanks to her pregnancy.

She woke up some time later to Remus gently shaking her shoulder. She rolled over and looked up at him sleepily.

"I told Graham he could sleep on the couch," Remus said, not meeting her eye.

Hearing this woke Tonks up. "You what?" she cried.

"Shhh," he hushed her, "He'll hear you."

"You invited a complete stranger to spend the night in our home without even talking to me about it?" she hissed.

"But he's not a stranger, Dora. Helping him was one of the only bits of good I was able to do when I was underground. He's just a boy and he has nowhere to go. His family shunned him when he was bitten," Remus pleaded.

Tonks could hear the pain in his voice and knew how important helping Graham was to Remus. She felt very uncomfortable having the boy in her home, but decided she could handle one night.

"Fine," she sighed.

Remus kissed her. "Thank you, darling."

She grunted and rolled out of bed. She went to the dresser and pulled out some of Remus' pajamas, then walked out into the living room and Graham looked up at her in surprise.

"Come on, then," she said, beckoning to him.

She led him to the bathroom and turned on the shower. She opened the small linen closet and pulled out a towel and handed it to him.

"Get yourself cleaned up and you can wear some of Remus' things. I'll get your clothes sorted out in the morning."

"Thank you, um…" Graham said, sounding unsure.

"You can call me Tonks."

She walked out of the bathroom and shut the door. She saw Remus had taken out some extra blankets and pillows. She let him fix up the couch for Graham while she took the tea tray back to the kitchen. After cleaning up in the kitchen, she went back out to the living room and saw Remus patting Graham on the shoulder.

"All set?" she asked.

Graham looked at the floor and nodded. He sat down on the sofa and Tonks waved her wand to turn off the lights. She walked to the bedroom and turned at the door.

"Goodnight, then," she said.

She waited a moment for a response and when it didn't come she turned and walked swiftly into the bedroom. She could hear Remus bid Graham goodnight, and heard a murmured response, then heard Remus shut the bedroom door.

"_Muffliato," _she muttered, pointing her wand at the door, then turned to Remus and said, "I know you don't like talking about that part of your life, Remus, but I need to know who's staying in our home."

Remus rubbed his hands over his face and Tonks noted how weary he looked. She took his hands and pulled him down to sit on the bed with her. She lifted one hand to her lips and kissed the back.

"When I was underground, one of the other werewolves brought Graham in the day after the full moon in February. He'd been bitten and his family had thrown him out and he had nowhere else to go, so he joined us. Before the next full moon, I talked to him about what the transformation would be like. The first time is terrifying, I don't care how old you are, and I knew no one else would have bothered explaining anything to him. He told me he was afraid of hurting anyone, that he didn't want to bite anyone else, so I taught him how to set wards around his room to keep him from getting out when he transformed."

Remus paused and took a deep breath, as if bracing himself.

"When Dumbledore warned me that I'd been found out, the reason I didn't escape in time was that I stopped to try to get Graham to escape with me. He was too afraid to leave, so I left him there, and Greyback caught me before I escaped. He tortured me, and I only just got away – he probably would have killed me if he hadn't unintentionally thrown me past the wards around the caves," Remus said flatly.

Tonks' eyes filled with tears as he spoke. He'd never told her what had happened that night he escaped. "Did he… was it…?"

Remus nodded. "The Cruciatus Curse, yes." Tonks gripped his hand tightly and Remus smiled gently at her. "It was nearly a year ago, love, don't fret about it now."

"So, how did Graham get away? And why now?" she asked.

"He says he regretted not coming with me immediately, especially after Greyback went on his rampage after I escaped. He's continued warding himself into his room for each full moon, and apparently yesterday and stayed behind while the others went out hunting. When everyone was gone, he realized it would probably be his only chance, so he left and came here. He didn't know where else to go."

Tonks sighed. She felt sorry for Graham and could see how much Remus wanted to help him.

"We'll need to try to find his family," she said, "They might feel differently now that he's been gone for so long. And even if they won't take him back, he can't stay here forever, Remus. But I'm happy to help you help him however we can."

"I know, love," Remus said, caressing her face. "We'll talk it over with him in the morning and figure out what to do with him."

Tonks kissed him softly and they went to bed.

* * *

Several weeks later, Tonks was in the kitchen brewing the Wolfsbane Potion. She was feeling rather irritable at having to brew a double batch, since Graham was still staying with them. They'd been unable to find his family, and she was starting to wonder if Graham wasn't being entirely honest. He'd been reluctant to tell them where his family lived, and had seemed, to her, almost pleased when they'd told him that they hadn't found his family. She didn't mention it to Remus, but she simply didn't like Graham. Something about him made her very uncomfortable, but she could find the words to explain why.

Tonks bewitched a knife to mince the wolfsbane while she stirred the potion carefully – five stirs clockwise followed by two stirs counter-clockwise, repeated seventeen times. It really was the most finicky potion she'd ever brewed. She heard the door open behind her and held up a finger to warn whoever was there to be silent. She couldn't afford to spoil the potion; it needed to be finished by dusk. She added the wolfsbane, set the potion to simmer, and relaxed somewhat. She felt Remus' hands on her hips and he leaned down to kiss her shoulder.

"Am I allowed to distract you?" Remus murmured against her ear.

"This potion is for you, you know," Tonks snapped.

Remus froze and then stepped away from her. Tonks sighed, knowing she shouldn't have snapped at him. She was just so moody and the stress of having Graham there was not helping. She turned to look at him and saw how hurt he was.

"I'm sorry, Remus, I shouldn't have snapped. I'm just frustrated and hormonal and I can't afford to ruin the potion." She turned back to her cauldron. "It should be ready in an hour," she said with her back to Remus.

"Fine, Dora," he sighed.

She heard the door shut firmly behind him and she winced. She knew she should talk to Remus, but didn't know how to explain all of the things that were wrong. She finished brewing the potion and filled two goblets. Remus took his from her silently and downed it quickly. Tonks brought the second goblet to Graham who was sitting outside on a downed tree about halfway down the drive.

"Here's your potion," she said quietly, handing him the goblet.

Graham took it and looked at it suspiciously. Tonks could see why; the potion looked rather sinister with blue smoke floating off the top even after it had cooled, not to mention it smelled awful. Remus had told her it tasted terrible as well, and she didn't doubt it. She watched as Graham took a sip and gagged.

"That's disgusting!" he cried and set the goblet down.

Tonks was amused, but didn't let it show.

"Well, if you don't want any relief on the full moon, that's up to you," she said and made to take the goblet from him.

Graham snatched up the goblet and drained it quickly, shuddering as he handed the empty goblet back to her.

"You'll need to drink some each night for the next week. I'm sorry it doesn't taste better, but if I add anything to improve the taste, it makes it useless," she said.

"Thank you," he said quietly. "I didn't mean to be rude. I'm really grateful to you and Remus for taking me in. I know it can't be easy having a stranger in your house. I hope I'm not causing any problems."

Tonks felt her face get hot and wondered if he knew that he was the reason she'd been so irritable.

"I can leave, if you want me to."

"Don't be ridiculous, you have nowhere else to go."

She saw him look away quickly. She stared at him questioningly and saw him turn pink.

"I – I lied about where my family lived. I was scared to go back after they abandoned me, what if they turn their backs on me again?"

Tonks could hear the fear in his voice, and tried to check her temper.

"Tell you what, we'll wait until after the full moon, then the three of us will track them down and we'll see what happens. Knowing has to be better than not knowing, right?"

Graham looked at her in surprise. "Okay. Thanks."

Tonks sent him inside to tell Remus the truth and she stayed outside, alone with her thoughts. She was shivering as she watched the moon rise in the dark December sky. She was shocked that Graham had told her the truth. She'd thought he didn't like her, and she certainly hadn't been very welcoming to him.

She jumped when she felt something draped over her shoulders. She turned and saw Remus wrapping a blanket around her. She smiled timidly at him and he sat down next to her.

"Did Graham talk to you?" she asked.

"He did. He said you told him he could stay through the full moon, then we'd hunt down his family."

Tonks nodded.

"I thought you didn't like him."

"I never said that!" Tonks replied.

"You didn't have to, it's pretty obvious."

"It's more a matter of not trusting him, and I was right. I don't think he's a bad kid, but I don't think this is the right place for him. He needs parents, and I don't know about you, but I'm not ready to parent a teenager. Hell, I'm not even ready for this baby."

Remus nodded. "You're right, love, and I'm sorry. I know it's been tough for you, having him here these past few weeks."

Tonks shrugged. "It's fine, and if his family won't take him back, we'll figure something out."

They sat in silence for a few minutes until Tonks started shivering.

"You're cold," Remus said, sounding concerned, then grinned at her. "Come here and I'll keep you warm."

Tonks smiled weakly and stood up. "We should go inside. I need to make dinner."

Remus' face fell, but he stood up and they walked inside.


	15. Chapter 15

Remus was lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. The full moon would rise in fifteen minutes and he was dreading it. The Wolfsbane potion allowed him to keep his mind, but it did not change the physical aspects of the transformation; it would be as painful as ever. However, it was not the anxiety about the pain that was plaguing him.

"You're not still feeling guilty, are you?" Tonks had come in and correctly read his face.

Remus shrugged. "I can't help it."

"You know we had to do it, and Graham understands," Tonks said.

Because it was Graham's first time taking the Wolfsbane potion, they'd had to lock him in the shed behind the cottage. Every werewolf reacted differently to the potion, and for some it had only negligible effect, so it had been necessary to lock Graham up until they knew how he would react. Remus felt particularly guilty that he'd be inside the warm, comfortable cottage while Graham would out in the cold shed.

"Don't worry, Remus. I put a Warming Charm on the shed, and conjured some cushions for the floor. And I'd point out that if anyone should be feeling guilty, it's me."

"What are you talking about?"

"If I weren't here, you could both be inside the house," Tonks said quietly.

Remus sat up and pulled her down to sit on the bed with him.

"I think we should agree that it's no one's fault and stop with the misplaced guilt," he said.

Tonks smiled at him and pecked his cheek. Before she could pull away, Remus turned his face and captured her lips with his own. It was the most contact he'd had with her in weeks, so he was terribly disappointed when she pushed him away. Her cheeks were flushed and she wouldn't look at him. He sighed.

"It's very hard to fix a problem when you don't know where the problem is," he said.

"What do you mean?" she asked, still not meeting his eye.

"Us. There's something broken here and I don't know what's caused it or how to fix it. Can you just…can you talk to me, please?"

"Remus, I…we shouldn't do this now. The moon is going to rise in a few minutes; you know it's worse for you if you're worked up about something. Just try to relax."

"How am I supposed to relax? You're angry all the time, you won't talk to me, you won't touch me or let me touch you."

"I'm not going to get involved in an argument when we only have ten minutes until you transform."

"I'm not asking you to argue with me, Dora. I just want you to talk to me for Merlin's sake!" Remus said loudly.

"I'm scared, Remus!" Tonks shouted.

Remus looked at her in surprise.

"I'm absolutely terrified, all the time," she said quietly.

"Of what?"

"Of everything! I'm afraid of this world we're bringing our child into. I'm afraid of what might happen to him. I'm afraid every time you walk out the door that you'll be imprisoned or killed or you'll leave me again!"

Remus was dazed. "You…you think I'm going to leave you?" He knew the hurt was audible in his voice.

"I don't…I don't know." Tonks seemed to feel guilty.

Remus couldn't speak; he was stunned. He glanced at the clock and cursed under his breath. He started stripping his clothes off.

"What are you doing?" Tonks asked.

"The moon is going to rise in less than five minutes and I don't want to destroy my clothes," Remus said tiredly.

"You're not going to say anything?"

"What am I supposed to say, Dora? I've said everything I could about this months ago. If you still don't trust me, I doubt a few minutes of pleading is going to make any difference."

He walked out to the living room.

"Remus! Where are you going?"

"Go to bed, Dora. I'll stay out here tonight. If you'd prefer, I can move the bed out here and you can sleep out here so you're sure I don't go anywhere," he said bitterly.

She gaped at him for a moment before turning away. He heard a sob just before the bedroom door slammed shut behind her. His first instinct was to go apologize, but he was angry. He couldn't believe she didn't trust him to stay, that she really believed he'd leave her again. It was as if the past two and half months hadn't happened. She might as well still be at the Burrow if that was how she felt. Remus was so upset that he forgot to calm himself before the moon rose, and he regretted it.

When the moon rose, there was a brief moment when he felt it's pull and cursed himself for getting wound up, then the pain took over. He grunted in pain as the spasms hit him and he dropped to his knees. His muscles tensed and his limbs shook as they changed. Coarse fur sprouted all over his face and body. He could feel, and even hear, his bones grinding as his limbs grew and changed and his face elongated into the werewolf's snout. His scream became a howl. After two easy transformations (thanks to the Wolfsbane potion and Tonks' presence), this one was particularly hard to take, despite having taken his potion. When the pain finally eased, several minutes after the actual transformation was complete, he was lying on the floor, panting. He thought vaguely of Graham and hoped his transformation had been easier, that the potion had worked for him.

Remus slowly got to his feet and padded quietly to the sofa. He climbed up delicately, taking care to not rip it with his sharp claws, and lay down. He spent several hours staring into the fire, alternating between feelings of anger and guilt. It didn't help that he could hear Tonks crying in the bedroom, thanks to his wolf ears. He finally drifted into a restless doze, images he wouldn't remember flickering through his dreams. He awoke when the first spasms of the transformation began. As the moon set, his transformation reversed itself in the same painful manner, leaving a residual ache in his muscles. He groaned and rubbed his face, the fur sucking back into his skin always left him itchy.

Remus staggered to his feet weakly and spotted his wand on the mantle. Grateful that he hadn't left it in the bedroom as he wasn't ready to face Tonks yet, he picked it up, conjured some robes for himself and went outside. He walked behind the cottage and reversed the spells locking Graham in the shed. He pulled open the door to see Graham beaming at him.

"How was it?" Remus asked.

"Every transformation has been…horrific. I mean, you know. Last night was so unbelievably easy. I was…I was still _me_, just in a different body. I don't even know how to thank you," Graham said.

Remus smiled. "No need to thank me. I'm glad the potion worked for you."

"What about you? No offense, but you look like hell."

"Rough transformation," Remus said in a tone that indicated an end to the subject.

Graham looked at him questioningly for a long moment, then shrugged.

"Any chance for some breakfast? I'm starved," he said.

"Sure," Remus replied, "let's go inside and I'll whip something up."

Tonks was awake and had waffles waiting on the table already. She looked rather surprised when Graham went straight to her and pulled her into a hug. Remus was torn between affection for them both and jealousy. He could just hear Graham whisper, "Thank you," before he let go of Tonks and sat down.

Breakfast was an uncomfortable affair, and Graham seemed to pick up on it, his eyes darting back and forth between Remus and Tonks, neither of whom spoke much at all during the meal. Shortly after breakfast, Tonks left to try to talk to Graham's family. They'd found them several days before and had decided that they would be more receptive to talking to Tonks than Remus, given their apparent opinions on werewolves. When she returned, her expression was unreadable, even to Remus.

"What happened? What did they say?" Graham asked anxiously.

"Maybe you should sit down," Tonks said tightly.

"I knew it! They don't want anything to do with me, right?" Graham burst out.

"Wrong. Your mother was very relieved to hear that you are alive and well; she's anxious to see you."

"She said that?"

"Yes. She wanted me to tell you that she never wanted you to leave and she's been trying to find you."

Graham was smiling slightly, then his face fell. "Bet my father said that I couldn't come home."

Tonks took a deep breath. "Graham, I'm sorry to tell you this, but your father was killed three months ago by Snatchers."

"My…my dad's dead? But he's half-blood, what would Snatchers want with him?"

"Apparently he sought them out and attacked Fenrir Greyback, who's been working with the Snatchers. He was killed for 'attacking a government official'. Your mother said that your father went looking for revenge for you. She said he'd regretted sending you away almost immediately. They both searched for you, but of course couldn't find you underground with Greyback."

Graham broke down crying and Remus and Tonks both tried to comfort him.

"If I'd just left sooner…" he sobbed.

"Don't think like that. It's not your fault that your father went after Greyback anymore than it was his fault you were bit in the first place," Remus said to him.

"That's right, and your mother certainly doesn't blame you in any way. She wants you to come home. I've promised to teach her how to brew the Wolfsbane potion, so you won't endanger anyone else, though if she struggles with it, I'm happy to brew extra for you each month," Tonks said kindly.

Graham stood up abruptly. "I want to go now."

He gathered his few belongings and the three of them Apparated to his family's home. Remus and Tonks helped him get settled in after a tearful reunion between Graham and his mother. Mrs. Toulson thanked them profusely for taking care of her son. Tonks promised to return a week before the full moon to help Mrs. Toulson with the potion. The two of them Apparated home to their very quiet cottage.

"It seemed so overcrowded for so long, and now it feels a bit empty, doesn't it?" Tonks asked quietly.

Remus made an affirmative sound and sat down on the sofa. He looked up when he heard Tonks make a small choked sound. She was crying and he felt guilty again.

"Dora…" he said.

"I heard you last night. When you transformed, I mean. I'm sorry I got you upset, I know that's why it was so bad," she said tearfully.

Remus shrugged. "It's my own fault for not calming down. I know what it does to me when I get worked up like that; I brought it on myself." He saw her concerned look and said, "Really, Dora, I insisted you tell me what wrong, I should have known it wasn't going to be something that could be solved in five minutes."

"I want to explain what I meant," she said, sitting down.

Remus tensed. "I think it's clear what you meant," he said bitterly. "I don't know how to prove to you that I won't leave again. I've been trying to fix what I broke since I left, and I thought you'd forgiven me. Maybe you should stay with your mother, since you don't trust me."

"Is that what you want?" Tonks gasped.

"Of course it's not what I want!" Remus shouted. "I want you here, safe, with me. I want to be allowed to kiss you and touch you and talk to you and _love_ you. But you won't let me. If you can't trust me, then what are you doing with me?"

"You're not letting me explain!" she cried.

"Explain then," he replied sullenly.

"I do trust you, Remus. I know that you aren't planning on leaving me again. But I spend all my time imagining all these horrible scenarios, and your leaving is one of them, even if I know logically that it won't happen. This war is driving me mad, and I can't even fight! I can't do anything to help, so all I do is worry and fret. All the reasons you had for leaving – they haven't gone away, and I just get so scared and I withdraw into myself. I know it's irrational, but I can't seem to help it."

"My reasons for leaving…it was about thinking that you'd be better off without me. I know that's not true, I know my absence won't make you or the baby any safer. You have to let me in so I can help. I'm right here. Let me be here for you," Remus pleaded.

There was a long pause during which they simply gazed at one another, then Tonks leaned into him and kissed him softly.

* * *

Ten days later, Remus was standing in the living room, waiting impatiently for Tonks.

"Are you ready yet?" he called into the bedroom.

"Do we have to go?" Tonks asked.

Remus poked his head into the bedroom and groaned quietly when he saw her standing in just her bra and panties. She was flipping through the clothes in her wardrobe and Remus had a fantastic view of her profile.

"You're the one who promised Fleur we'd go there for Christmas Eve," he said.

"I know," she whined, "but I can't find anything that doesn't make me look as big as a house!"

"You are ridiculous. You look beautiful."

"I look fat!" she cried.

Remus snorted. "You do _not_ look fat."

Tonks turned to the mirror. "Look at me!" she cried, gesturing to her rounded belly.

Remus stood behind her and put his hands on her belly. "I am looking at you. Feel what you do to me."

He pressed his hips against her and knew from her gasp that she could feel that he was hard. He bent down to kiss her neck and the moan she released made his cock throb with need. He slid his hands up over her belly to cup her full breasts and lightly pinched her nipples.

"Remus," Tonks moaned and arched her back, simultaneously pressing his breasts into his hands and her ass into his groin.

"I need you," he growled softly against her ear.

"We're supposed to be at Bill and Fleur's in ten minutes," she murmured.

"So we'll be late," Remus said as he rolled her nipples between his fingers, eliciting a moan of agreement.

Tonks turned her face and Remus kissed her, immediately deepening the kiss. She turned in his arms and hastily unbuttoned his shirt. She pushed it off his arms and splayed her hands on his chest. She traced the old scars, causing shivers to run down Remus' spine. Her hands drifted down to the waistband of his pants and unbuttoned and unzipped them. She smiled up at him slyly as she pushed his pants and boxers down over his hips and took his hard cock in her hand. Remus moaned; it had been over a month since she'd touched him. He quickly unfastened her bra and tossed it aside, then nudged her back toward the bed. She lay back on the bed and Remus dropped to his knees between her legs. He stripped her panties off and immediately licked her pussy, savoring her taste. He loved hearing Tonks' cries of pleasure as he sucked her clit and slid a finger inside her.

"More!" she moaned.

Remus inserted a second finger and licked over her clit faster. She came hard, her juices gushing out of her. Remus licked her through her orgasm then stood up over her and pulled his fingers out of her. He pulled her up and turned her around. She bent over the bed and shook her ass at him teasingly. He guided his cock to her pussy and entered her quickly.

"Oh! Remus!" Tonks gasped.

Remus grasped her hips and fucked her hard and fast.

"Fuck, Dora, you feel so good. So tight…so wet."

It took all of Remus' willpower to hold back his orgasm as Tonks' silky pussy gripped him. He reached around to rub her clit and could hear from the level of her moans that she was close to coming again.

"Come for me, love," he said hoarsely. "I want to feel you come."

After another minute, Tonks screamed and her pussy clenched around him. The sensations were too much for Remus, and with one last thrust, he came inside her with a grunt. He kissed the back of her neck as they stood there panting for several minutes.

"We should get going. Bill and Fleur will worry," Tonks said finally.

Remus pulled out of her and she turned to kiss him. They scrambled to get cleaned up and dressed quickly. As they walked up the drive to get outside the wards so they could Apparate, Remus spoke.

"I've missed you."

He could just see her face in the dim light from his wand; she smiled.

"I've missed you, too. I know it's been awhile; I've been feeling a bit insecure."

"Do you believe me when I tell you that you're absolutely gorgeous?"

"I do now," she teased.

They'd reached the end of the drive so he simple squeezed her hand and they Apparated together to Shell Cottage. Tonks shivered in the cold breeze that whipped off the ocean and they hurried to the door. Remus knocked on the door and heard Fleur over the howl of the wind.

"'Oo is zere?"

"It's us, Fleur," Tonks called through the door.

Light shone out through the window of the door when Fleur pulled aside a curtain and Tonks flashed through three or four hair colors in less than ten seconds. The curtain was shut but the door opened immediately.

"Come in, come in," Fleur said briskly. "We 'ave a bit of a surprise for you."

They entered the kitchen of the cottage.

"'e eez in ze living room."

Remus and Tonks exchanged a confused look, but went through the door to the living room and saw someone they certainly did not expect.


	16. Chapter 16

"Ron?!" Remus said, sounding as shocked at Tonks felt. "Is…when…what are…?"

Ron gave a weak half-smile that didn't come close to reaching his eyes. "'Lo, Remus, Tonks.

Bill stood up and said, "Ron wanted to talk to the two of you. No one else knows he's here. He'll explain why."

He and Fleur left the room and Remus and Tonks sat down shakily. Tonks noticed that Ron was eyeing her swollen belly and wondered if he'd known she was pregnant.

Remus voiced the fear that had gripped Tonks. "Is Harry okay?"

"As far as I know."

Remus and Tonks exchanged a confused look.

"I, er, haven't seen him or Hermione in about six weeks," Ron said with a guilty look on his face. He looked down and continued, "We fought and I left them."

Tonks glanced at Remus and could see he was trying to control his temper. She took a deep breath to calm her own temper and spoke to Ron.

"Where were they when you last saw them?"

"Somewhere in Wales, but they won't be there now. We were moving around every day or two, and I'm sure they still are."

Remus looked up. "Why didn't you stay at Grimmauld Place?" he asked tensely.

"Well, when we got away from the Ministry, Yaxley grabbed onto Hermione when we Apparated back there. We got away from him, but we weren't sure if he'd be able to get inside, or bring others inside, so we were afraid to go back."

"What do you mean, when you 'got away from the Ministry'? What the bloody hell were you doing at the Ministry?" Tonks asked.

"We, er, infiltrated the Ministry, I guess you could say. There was…something there that we needed, so we went in disguise – we, well, Hermione stole Mad-Eye's supply of Polyjuice Potion – but it was a bit of a disaster. We got what we went in for, oh, and Harry found Mad-Eye's eye in Umbridge's door. That's what tipped them off that we were there, he took it and they noticed. He buried it in the woods, said he thought Mad-Eye would like that a whole hell of a lot more than being stuck in that toad's door."

Tonks blinked away tears. "Harry was right. Mad-Eye would've liked that."

Remus squeezed her hand and they were all silent for a few minutes. Ron broke the silence once more.

"We sort of ran into your dad, Tonks."

"What?" she cried.

"Well, we heard him, anyways. We were in our tent and we heard voices, so we use some Extendable Ears to listen in. He was with Dean Thomas, a couple of goblins, and another bloke, I can't remember his name."

"Dean Thomas…?"

"He was in their year at Hogwarts," Remus said bluntly. Tonks looked at him in confusion for a moment, then remembered that he'd been their professor for a year.

"Right," said Ron. "Well, your dad sounded okay. It seemed like they were all going to stick together at any rate."

"When did you see, er, hear him?" Tonks asked.

"The, uh, the same night I left, so about six weeks ago."

Tonks nodded, that was only very shortly after her father had left.

"Look," Ron said suddenly, "I'm not proud of myself, and I'd go back in an instant, if I could. But I don't know how to find them. I'd…well, I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone else about seeing me. Bill and Fleur have been decent enough to let me stay here until I can figure out how to get back to Harry and Hermione."

Tonks reached out and squeezed his hand. "Of course, Ron."

There was a muscle working in Remus' jaw, but he nodded curtly.

A short while later they were all sitting in the dining room, enjoying Fleur's excellent French cooking.

"So," Tonks said to Bill and Fleur, "now we know why you two aren't going to be at the Burrow for Christmas."

"Mum's not still on about that, is she?" Bill said, rolling his eyes.

Ron interrupted, "I told you that you two should go have Christmas with the family. I'm fine here by myself."

"Nonsense, Ron. No one should be alone on Christmas," Fleur scolded, sounding oddly like Molly Weasley. "Besides, Bill and I are glad to 'ave our first Christmas togezer be a quiet one."

* * *

The next day, a part of Tonks was wishing that she and Remus could have had a quiet Christmas together. It started at breakfast with her mother. They had just finished eating when Andromeda spoke.

"I've had a thought," she said. "This house is really too big for just me, and your cottage is fine for you two, but it'll be cramped when the baby comes. Why don't you two move in here with me? There's plenty of space for all of us."

Tonks' jaw dropped. She loved her mother, but she had no interest in living with her again. She'd been about to say so, in more polite terms, when Remus jumped in.

"That might be a good idea."

Andromeda beamed at him and got up to clear the table. As soon as she was out of the room, Tonks turned to Remus.

"Are you kidding me? You want to live with my mother?" she hissed.

"She has a point, Dora. We don't have enough space for the baby, and you can't deny it'll be nice to have the extra help when the baby comes," he said reasonably.

"That's not the point! I don't –" she stopped abruptly when Andromeda came back in.

Andromeda looked at her expectantly.

"We'll think about it, Mum," Tonks said, forcing a smile on her face.

They left for the Burrow shortly afterwards. When they walked into the kitchen, Tonks was surprised and pleased to see Kingsley Shacklebolt, who had been on the run since almost being caught by Snatchers after slipping up and saying Voldemort's name.

"Kingsley! I didn't think you were going to make it," she exclaimed.

Kingsley grinned at her. "I decided to risk it. I let Dawlish catch a glimpse of me outside Hogsmeade early this morning. They'll spend the whole day looking for me in the mountains."

Tonks laughed. "Any news?" she asked.

"Nothing terribly interesting. I did run into an old friend of yours, Tonks," he replied.

"Who?" Tonks asked, puzzled.

"Terrence Proudfoot. He's been hiding in one of those caves outside Hogsmeade," Kingsley said.

They were cut off from further discussion as Fred, George, and Ginny came in and they all settled in to eat. Tonks felt the heat in her face recede as the conversation turned to other subjects. She saw Remus looking at her curiously, but he said nothing. Much later, when Kingsley left, Tonks hurried out the door after him.

"Kingsley, wait!" she called.

"Tonks, you'll freeze out here," he said, turning back to her.

"I'm fine," she said. "I wanted to ask about Terrence. You said you saw him outside Hogsmeade? Is he okay?"

"As okay as he can be," Kingsley said quietly. "He's cold and hungry up there, but at least he's alive and not in Azkaban."

"Right," Tonks said weakly. "Well, Happy Christmas, Kingsley."

"Happy Christmas," he said, and hurried outside the wards and disappeared with a faint pop.

Tonks stood in the cold night air for a few minutes, trying to collect herself. She hadn't thought about Terrence in nearly a year, and felt a wave of guilt. She'd forgotten he was Muggle-born and would in danger because of it. She took a deep, calming breath and turned back to the house. She jumped when she saw Remus standing at the door.

"Who's Terrence?" he asked softly.

"An old friend. He was an Auror, we were stationed in Hogsmeade together last year. He's Muggle-born, so he's been on the run, apparently."

"He was more than a friend," Remus accused.

Tonks lost her temper, as she was wont to do thanks to her erratic hormones. "What does it matter if he was? It's in the past. I haven't spoken to him about anything remotely personal in a year; I haven't even seen him since July, when I left the Ministry. But yes, for a time, he was someone I cared for, so when Kingsley mentioned him, I wanted to know if he was okay. Are you going to tell me – AH!"

She doubled over in pain. For a moment she thought she'd been hit with a curse, but suddenly felt warm liquid dripping down her thighs and knew it was no curse.

"Dora!" Remus cried, their argument forgotten. "Are you okay?"

"Baby," she gasped, dropping to her knees in agony.

Remus rushed to her and fell to his knees before her. "What is it?" he murmured.

Another shooting pain made her cry out and she could see her own fear mirrored in Remus' face. The door opened and George's face poked out.

"I thought I heard – bloody hell! What happened?" he asked them. Not waiting for an answer, he turned back toward the house and shouted, "We need some help out here!"

He rushed out into the cold and draped a cloak around Tonks' shoulders. She was barely aware of the warmth, all she could feel was the stabbing pain in her belly.

"I'm…bleeding," she whispered.

"What? Where?" Remus said, looking her over.

Another pain gripped her and she clutched her belly.

"Oh god, no," Remus muttered. There were drips of blood in the snow beneath her.

"She needs to go to St. Mungo's," George said, as Tonks heard several more sets of footsteps approaching.

"No!" she gasped, looking desperately at Remus.

Remus understood. "They won't treat her," he said shortly.

"Why the hell not?" Fred asked from behind him.

"Because of me," he snarled. "She's married to a werewolf, carrying a werewolf's child. They won't touch her."

Arthur placed a hand on Remus' shoulder. "We're not going to help anything sitting out here in the snow. Tonks, can you walk?"

Tonks didn't respond. She couldn't focus on anything other than the pain.

"I'll carry her," Remus said quickly.

Remus swept her up in his arms and Tonks bit her lip to keep from crying out again. Tears leaked out from her tightly closed eyes and she whimpered against Remus' shoulder. Remus laid her down on the sofa, then stood to have a whispered conversation with Arthur. Molly kneeled on the floor and held Tonks' hand and murmured comforting words, but Tonks focused on Remus and Arthur's conversation.

"Do we have any Healers on our side?" Remus asked.

"There's only Poppy Pomfrey, and she lives at Hogwarts. I don't even know how we'd get a message to her safely with Snape and the Carrows there."

"It would put her in danger, too. We can't risk it. I'll have to take her to a Muggle hospital."

Molly stood up abruptly and rushed over to them. "You can't!" she hissed, "Have you seen what they do in those hospitals? It's barbaric!"

Remus sighed. "Do you have a better idea?"

Arthur cut in. "They do know what they're doing. It's…different from how we heal, but they can help. It's got to be better than just letting her…" he trailed off.

There was a brief silence, then Remus came into sight once more. He knelt down and kissed Tonks' forehead.

"Dora," he said softly, "I'm going to take you to a Muggle hospital."

His voice was calm, but even through her blurred vision, Tonks could see the panic in his face. Tonks nodded and tried to smile, but only managed to grimace as another pain gripped her. Arthur picked up a piece of paper and waved his wand over it, muttering quietly.

"Here," he said, "give this to the Muggles at the hospital if they start asking questions. You need to avoid using too much magic while you're there, it'll raise questions at the Ministry, and the last thing you want to do is give them an excuse to arrest you."

Remus pocketed the paper and thanked Arthur. He swept Tonks up in his arms once more and Tonks was unable to bite back her cry of pain.

"Shhh love, you're going to be all right," Remus murmured to her as he hurried out the door and into the night.

Tonks felt her consciousness slipping and managed to gasp three words to Remus before she passed out.

"Save the baby."


	17. Chapter 17

Remus sat anxiously in the waiting room of the Muggle hospital he'd brought Tonks to. The Healers – _doctors_, he reminded himself – had taken Tonks away on a stretcher and asked him to wait. It had been three hours and no one had told him what was going on. He was fighting hard to control his temper, as he didn't want to draw any more attention to them – he was already getting curious glances from the Muggles around him due to his attire. With his head resting in his hands, Remus thought back to the first time he met Tonks.

* * *

_He was sitting in the kitchen at number twelve, Grimmauld Place, waiting for the meeting to start. It was the second meeting of the Second Order of the Phoenix, and the room was haunted by the memories of those who should have been there. In an attempt to fill the gaps, many of them had tried to recruit new members. Mad-Eye Moody had had some success, and the Weasleys had brought in their two oldest sons, Bill and Charlie._

"_Mad-Eye said he's bringing two Aurors. One of them only qualified as an Auror last year. That'll make her, what? 22?" Sirius said suddenly. "Seems too young to be mixed up in all this."_

_Remus snorted. "You realize we were 18 when we joined, right?"_

"_Yeah, well, that was different."_

"_How so?"_

"_We knew what we were getting into. The war had been on for years already. It wasn't like this – Voldemort was out in the open," Sirius said._

"_Well, if she's an Auror, she'll know what she's doing. Especially since she's Mad-Eye's protégé. Remember his training sessions for us back then?"_

"_How could I forget? I've still got the scars. And did I get any sympathy for them? Hell no! The old man would just scold me for it. 'Constant vigilance!'" Sirius barked and they collapsed in laughter._

"_Well," Sirius continued when they regained control of themselves, "it'll be nice to see a pretty young thing. Hestia and Emmaline won't give me the time of day."_

"_Going after a 22-year-old is a bit shameless, even for you, Padfoot."_

"_When everyone believes you're a mass murderer, dating opportunities tend to be a bit scarce."_

_They were interrupted when several Order members filed in. Remus gave up his seat for Hestia Jones and stood leaning against the fireplace next to Sirius. There was a tense moment when Kingsley Shacklebolt, one of Mad-Eye's recruits, came in. Kingsley had whipped out his wand at the sight of Sirius and Remus and Sirius had responded in kind. Arthur Weasley had had to physically lower Kingsley's arm and remind him that Sirius was not guilty of the crimes he'd been accused of. After an awkward moment, Kingsley strode across the room and shook Sirius' hand and explained that he was in charge of the hunt for Sirius, and habits were hard to break. Dumbledore arrived and they waited impatiently for Mad-Eye to show up so they could start the meeting._

_They heard the front door open, followed by a crash and the screams of Sirius' mother's portrait._

"_I'll go," Arthur volunteered and jogged up the stairs._

_After a minute, there was silence once more, then the sound of approaching footsteps. The door opened and Sirius let out a low whistle that Remus fervently hoped no one else heard. He could understand Sirius' reaction, though. Standing next to Mad-Eye Moody was a slender young woman with a lovely heart-shaped face and short, hot pink hair._

"_What do you say, Moony? I'll flip you for her," Sirius muttered._

_Remus elbowed Sirius in the ribs as Mad-Eye spoke._

"_Here she is," he growled, "Nymphadora Tonks."_

"_It's Tonks, Mad-Eye. You'd think after four years, you'd get it right," she snarled._

_Remus raised his eyebrows in surprise. Few people were brave enough to talk to Mad-Eye Moody that way, and Moody was _grinning_ at her._

"_Oh, shit," Sirius muttered._

_Remus turned to him. "What?"_

"_You remember my cousin Andromeda? She married a bloke named Tonks. They had a little girl…"_

_Remus burst out laughing. "Only you would be lusting after your own cousin, Padfoot."_

"_Shut it, Moony," Sirius growled as Mad-Eye and Tonks approached them._

"_Sirius Black," Mad-Eye said, gesturing to Sirius._

"_I remember," Tonks said. "You visited my mum when I was a little girl. She was inconsolable when…well, she'll be so happy to know you're innocent."_

_She hugged Sirius, who looked a bit punch-drunk when she pulled away._

"_Mum always said you were her favorite cousin," she said, smiling._

"_Sirius always said the same thing about your mum," Remus said._

_Tonks turned to him. "And you are?"_

"_This is Moony," Sirius said, throwing an arm around Remus' shoulders._

_Remus shrugged him off and scowled at him. "Remus Lupin," he said, shaking Tonks' hand._

_She glanced back and forth between them, looking puzzled. "Interesting nickname," she said sarcastically._

"_Sirius came up with it when he found out I'm a werewolf," he said tensely and waited for the revulsion, but it didn't come._

_She pursed her lips for a moment, then grinned. "I get it, Moony for the full moon. That's cute."_

_Mad-Eye led her away to meet other members of the Order and Sirius smirked._

"_Hear that, Moony? You're 'cute'," Sirius teased._

"_Shut up, Padfoot," Remus scoffed, but his eyes stayed on Tonks._

_Throughout the meeting, Remus felt his eyes drifting to Tonks, and each time he shook himself mentally. He turned his attention back to Dumbledore, who was explaining the importance of protecting the prophecy. They rearranged the schedule for guard duty on both the prophecy and Harry, and the meeting was adjourned. As people started to leave, Sirius stood up._

"_You're all welcome to stay for dinner." He glanced at Remus with an evil grin. "Moony is a great cook."_

_Remus cuffed him on the side of the head, but he didn't truly mind. Sirius had always been a social creature, and being isolated in this house he hated so much was rough on him. Any extra company perked him up, so Remus was happy to cook for a few extra people if that's what it took. He started cooking as most of the Order left. When he turned around again to send the meal onto the table, he saw Tonks deep in conversation with the two Weasley boys while Sirius and Mundungus Fletcher were laughing about something at the other end of the table. They moved down when they saw the food and they all tucked into the meal. There was minimal conversation during the meal, but when they'd all finished, Tonks brandished her fork at Sirius._

"_So, Sirius, the thing I've been wondering is, if you didn't use dark magic to get out of Azkaban, how _did_ you escape?" she asked._

"_You and the rest of the Wizarding World," Charlie said._

"_Well, I guess I got tired of the Dementors hounding me," Sirius said, his eyes twinkling for the first time since he'd returned to Grimmauld Place._

_Remus snorted into his butterbeer._

"_Yeah, I was dog-tired of it all. I don't much like being on a short leash."_

_Remus cut in. "You see, Sirius isn't one to lie down and play dead."_

_Sirius grinned at him while Bill, Charlie, and Tonks exchanged bemused looks._

"_I think you're barking up the wrong tree," Remus said to Tonks, and Sirius snorted._

"_Shall I throw them a bone, Moony?" he asked._

"_I don't know; it might be best to let sleeping dogs lie."_

"_All right! We get it! It has something to do with a dog!" Tonks exclaimed._

_Remus and Sirius dissolved into laughter, the kind they hadn't shared in fourteen years._

_Remus finally recovered himself and turned to the three young members. "Sirius," he said dramatically, "is an Animagus."_

_Three jaws dropped simultaneously, and Remus had to conceal his grin. Sirius leapt to his feet and quickly transformed into the large, shaggy, black dog. He trotted around the table and stuck his head unceremoniously in Tonks' lap. She proceeded to scratch him behind the ears._

"_This is incredibly bizarre," she said._

"_Come on, Tonks, didn't McGonagall transform into a cat for your class?" Bill said._

"_Yeah, but she didn't act like a cat. She was so very much herself that it was like she hadn't changed at all," Tonks said laughingly._

"_C'mon Tonks, it's no more bizarre than you doing your nose," Charlie said._

_In response to Remus' confused look, Tonks announced, "I'm a Metamorphmagus." _

_She scrunched up her face and a moment later her hair had turned platinum blonde and grew past her shoulders. Remus was impressed. Of course, he'd learned about Metamorphmagi, but he'd never met one._

"_That must come in handy," he said._

"_Oh, it does," she said, shifting back to short, pink hair. "I passed Concealment and Disguise with top marks in training. I imagine it'll be useful for the Order as well."_

_Charlie glanced down at his watch. "I hate to cut out, but I've got to catch a Portkey back to Romania."_

"_I should get going as well. I'm happy to be back to help, but I don't enjoy getting up at the crack of dawn every day to sit at a desk," Bill said._

_Sirius transformed back to himself with a 'pop' and Tonks stood up as well. Remus walked Bill, Charlie, and Tonks to the door so he could lock it behind them. Before she walked out, Tonks turned to Remus._

"_It was really nice meeting you, Moony," she said cheekily._

_Remus smirked. "It was nice meeting you too, Nymphadora."_

"_Call me that again and I'll hex you," she threatened._

_Charlie called from outside the door, "She means it!"_

_Remus chuckled and Tonks grinned at him. She walked out and Remus watched from the door until the three of them Disapparated. He shut the door and tapped it with his wand to lock the various locks. He turned to see Sirius watching him._

"_You like her," Sirius said. It wasn't a question._

_Remus felt his face get hot. "Don't be ridiculous. I'm far too old for her. I'm…uh…going to go to bed. I'll see you in the morning." He was uncomfortable with the knowing smirk Sirius was giving him._

"_Goodnight Moony," Sirius said._

"_G'night Sirius."_

* * *

Remus was pulled out of his memories when a short man came through the door they'd taken Tonks through hours before.

"Mr. Lupin?" the man called.

Remus leapt to his feet and hurried over to the man. "I'm Remus Lupin," he said.

"I'm Doctor Smith, I've been taking care of your wife."

"Please…my wife…the baby?" Remus asked desperately.

"Your wife was in premature labor, but we were able to stop her contractions and both she and the baby should be just fine," the doctor said.

Remus nearly collapsed in relief, then a thought that had been plaguing him for hours reentered his mind.

"Doctor, what could have caused this?" he asked nervously. "You see, we were arguing…"

"Oh no, that wouldn't have caused premature labor on it's own. Sometimes these things just happen, and there's no one to blame," Doctor Smith said soothingly.

"Can I see her?"

"Of course, of course. Right this way."

The doctor led Remus down a long hallway and into a small room. Tonks was lying on a narrow bed and Remus rushed to her. He sat on the edge of the bed and leaned down to kiss her softly.

"I was so afraid for you," he murmured, holding her face in his hands.

"I know," she whispered.

Doctor Smith cleared his throat and Remus sat up.

"So, Mrs. Lupin, we're going to keep you overnight for observation, just to be sure your contractions don't start up again, then you can go home in the morning. I'm recommending bedrest for the remainder of your pregnancy. That means staying off your feet as much as possibly – I don't want you on your feet for more than a half hour a day, and no more than a half hour at a time."

"I can't possibly –"

"You can, and you will, unless you want your baby to be born prematurely. You are three months away from your due date, if your baby was born now, its chances of survival would be very small. I'm confident that we can get you to full term, but not without your cooperation," the doctor said firmly.

Tonks nodded meakly.

"Now, I want you to eliminate as much stress as you can from your life. Get help from your friends and family. And finally, no sexual intercourse." At this last sentence, the doctor looked apologetically at Remus. "I'll send a nurse in with a cot for you, Mr. Lupin, and you can both get some rest."

"Thank you, Doctor," Tonks said as he exited the room.

Remus turned to her as soon as the door closed. "Are you really okay?"

"I am. It was terrifying, but they did help us," she said, placing a hand on her belly. "When I woke up I had this tube in my arm," she held out her arm to show him a thin tube coming from her vein, "which I'm pretty sure is for giving me medication, and that doctor was poking around between my legs. I panicked at first, but I think they gave me something to calm me down, because after a few minutes I felt like I'd taken a Calming Draught. It took awhile, but they made the contractions stop, so I can't complain."

"Please, don't ever scare me like that again. I don't know if I could live if I lost you," Remus said, losing his grip on his emotions. Tears spilled down his face.

Tonks smiled gently. "I'll try."

**A/N: I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who's favorited and left reviews. The reviews in particular motivate me to write more. Thanks for continuing to read!**


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